


A Date with Death - Episode 2 : Electric BooGhoulOoo

by fayolin



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dating, Found Family, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Podcast, Rumination, Snark, Team as Family, fourth wall leaning, past bad relationships, silly elves thinking silly thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-10-06 00:19:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10320962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fayolin/pseuds/fayolin
Summary: Taako was never one for mooning someone, but here he is, on the moon, trying to figure out his next move after a successful (maybe(probably(totally!(...whatever)))) surprise date with one emissary/bounty hunter/total homeboy of a death goddess.And if there's one thing Taako hates, it's waiting.  Because that give him time to think.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just had to write a little bit about these sweet boys. It's been forever since I dipped into any fandom, so I feel a little creaky. Unbetaed, so all mistakes are firmly on my own head. Hoping this will be 4-5 chapters in all.

It was a fairly normal evening in the Bureau of Balance.  Well, as normal as you get for a futuristic base, hidden behind a second moon, orbiting a world of sword and sorcery.  And admittedly, as normal as a former traveling chef/FooderTainment expert could stand to be without going slowly mad from the stillness of it all. So, not actually that normal at all, when you really got down to it. 

 Taako splayed back on the large couch in the common den-area between his and his team member’s rooms, flipping his Stone of Far-speech between his fingers, like a goblin king twirls a memory of a baby-child between someone’s borrowed hands.  It had been a couple of days since his first, and he would say mostly successful, date with death and he felt like he was floating on air.  Well, more than he usually felt on his base on the moon.  Which was much less than when he was levitating.  So, like, we’re saying a moderate amount of floating here.   
 He kept flipping the stone, chewing on his bottom lip in a very unsexy way.  He thought the whole evening had gone well, the lich sighting spookiness notwithstanding. But even though it had been a grip and a half since Taako had dipped his beak, and he was really truly ready to get that beak dipped, he didn’t want to seem too desperate and ring up the grim reaper right away and schedule round two.  Like, a little desperate could be sexy, but too much was a wet blanket.  But maybe Kravitz liked wet blankets? Were wet blankets _in_ this year? Were they _ever_ in?  

Taako let the stone drop to his wrist, and rubbed his jaw right behind his ear.  It was bad enough when he caught himself verbally babbling, but now even his inner monologue was getting in on the act.

He had it bad. 

But it wasn’t as if there were a lot of options available. For on thing, he lived on the moon. For another, every memory of his current action was sleeping in the belly of a cosmic jellyfish. At least, he thought so. Taako wasn’t quite sure how the Voidfish was effecting the world in regards to their mission-to-mission activities. Only that it was strange that Angus found them at all, really. But people still remembered his show, so it didn’t go back that far? It was really confusing.

In any case, he spent most of his time with Magnus I-obviously-lost-the-love-of-my-life Burnsides and Merle ew-he-tried-to-fuck-plants-and-flirts-with-everything Highchurch, and neither of them really showed any interest in going out on the town.  And as much as it pained him to admit it, those goofballs were like family. And there were things you kept out of the family. 

 Like your dick.  You kept your dick out of the family. 

 So, when tall, dark, and broody showed up sitting all fearsome and disappointed in the dim light of Taako’s room, once it was clear he wasn’t there to drag Taako to hell, it was actually kind of nice to talk to someone who was not only easy on the eyes, but not tied up in all this crazy Grand Relic hunting.  Someone who had his own crazy life, that only crossed over with Taako’s for a frenzied battle and had no intention of changing that, apart from that simple conversation.  At least, he hadn’t until the call from his Lady interrupted that single conversation, giving Taako the opportunity to open the door to a little bit more crossing of paths. Which he executed with a couple bottles of wine, a couple of vases, and one half promised follow-up barring non-consensual death. 

 Which led him to his current situation of waiting. Which he hated. It was long established in his character, right next to his high dex score. The nature of Taako’s business with the Bureau meant that there was often a lot of time that could be interpreted as waiting, followed by a short, feverish period of action, but in reality it was usually filled with activities filled with things ranging from naps to lazing about, to skipping training exercises to snooze.  And on one hand, he probably had plenty of time to fill the hours he was…waiting… to see if his grim reaper darkened his door with his favorite activities, but on the other, was what if he missed the call? Was his beauty rest really worth the risk? Well, for Taako’s beauty, anything was probably worth the risk, but who thought stupid human sleep could improve this face?

Because if he wasn’t sleeping, he would have to think about what he was doing here. He wasn’t particularly brave, and he wasn’t very selfless. He liked the items he was getting, and as long as no one asked him about to _talk_ about it or _show his feelings_ , he liked the family (gross) he was forming up here. And the last time he thought he had found something close to this, Glamour Springs died. And before then, he couldn’t even remember feeling anything like it.  


  As Taako stared into the distance, trying to think of a way to push past that uncomfortable revelation, a small light started to pulsate in the stone, showing a call was coming through.  Taako’s heart jumped. Swelled, even.  The stone’s pulsing was a deep black, unlike any of the colors he was used to seeing coming through. He sat up, smoothing down his hair, as if the stone was far seeing along with speaking.  

 He nervously flicked the switch on the side from off to on. 

 “Y’llo?”  said Taako, hoping the clawing panic in his gut wasn’t showing in his voice. 

 “Taako?”  came the rich, rolling voice of Kravitz from the depths of the gem.  “Am…I interrupting anything?” 

 “Oh no, darlin,”  said Taako, cursing the crack in his voice making it seem like he was hiding something.  “Nothing doing here.” 

 “Oh, good,”  said Kravitz, sounding slightly preoccupied.  There was a moment of silence that almost was long enough that Taako thought the stone might have shorted out. A moment later, a monstrous roar came through the stone, only to be silenced as quickly as it came. 

 “Am _I_ interrupting something?” asked Taako, his voice high and whispered.  He glanced furtively at Magnus’s and Merle’s rooms to make sure no one came out weapons swinging.  Another roar came through the stone, but it was quickly cut short, and fortunately, no well intentioned nosey Nellys had appeared either. 

 “Sorry about that,”  said Kravitz, a little breathless. He took a moment, presumably to gather himself, before he continued. “Thought I had that all wrapped up.  Where was I?” 

 “You… were asking if I was busy?” said Taako, his voice small, still not wanting to make too much noise in case that roaring beast came back. 

 “Oh, yes,”  said Kravitz, laughing slightly to himself.  Taako heard a slight clearing of his throat. “Do…you have any plans this evening?” 

Taako felt his face split into a grin. 

 “If I do, I’m sure it could be moved,” said Taako, his tone flirty.  “Why would you be asking?” 

 “I was wondering,” continued Kravitz, his words slight stiff, as if rehearsed to the air many times before speaking.”If I could have the pleasure of your company this evening?”  

 “Well, of course, darling!”  said Taako. “Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there with bells on!”  

 “I don't think bells will be necessary,” said Kravitz, a little bit of warmth softening his formal tone.  “I'll be by your base to pick you at 6.”

A loud roar pierced through the stone, making Taako jump.

“…make that 6:30. Do you know the bench that overlooks the planet drop?”

“Sounds great!”” said Taako. Then a thought occurred to him. “Wait a minute. How do you know that? We went no where near that side of the base.”

“I _might_ have taken a quick look around the perimeter a day or two ago,” said Kravitz, his smile coming through the stone. “I was in the area and thought i’d see if there would be a good meeting place for tonight. You know. When you said yes.” 

“When, huh?”  said Taako, rather taken aback, but a sly grin still stealing at the corners of his mouth.  "Awfully confident, aren't we?” 

 "One thing about dealing in death, you learn to try and enjoy life while you can,” said Kravtiz, a second, higher pitched roar echoing in the background before the stone winked out.  "Whoops, sounds like that's for me. See you soon, Taako.” 

Taako looked down at the stone for a long moment, mouth slightly agape but still smiling, slightly buffonishly, before jumping up from the couch and punching the air in victory.   

"SCORE ONE FOR THE SIZZLE!  TAAKO’S ON FIRE" 

“Where’s the fire?!”  cried Magnus, rushing into the common room of theTHB dorm room, one hand on Rail Splitter, one hand holding a partially carved rabbit.  "Where did it go? Are you ok? What's happening?!?" 

"Ok, for one, chill,"  said Taako, holding his hands up to calm his roommate the hell down.  “For two, this dude has landed himself a second date.” 

 "That's great!"  said Magnus, shoving the half-rabbit-half-chunk in a pouch by his side. "I assume it's another round with that boney asshole? What's his name, Carpy? Karmax? Eugene?”  

"You don't need to be that way,"  said Taako, rolling his eyes. He walked off to his room, leaving the door open as he started throwing cloths around, looking for the best outfit for tonight. 

"You know it's Kravitz. I never should have told you in the first place.”

“You didn’t so much tell me,” said Magnus, leaning against the wall. “You more… exploded words on me.”

“You’re exaggerating,” said Taako, the sound of cloths rustling almost covering the tone of clear annoyance Taako was feeling.

“Am I?” asked Magnus. Slowing the clothes stopped moving around. A deep sigh came from the room.

“Well…ok, fine. Yes. I did spill to you.” Magnus smiled, his point made. Taako continued. “But it was only because Carey and Killian were busy after all their wine and clay, and Merle wasn’t with you, because he off planet doing whatever he does on the weekends. Otherwise, I could have kept it on the down-low.”

“Wait…” said Magnus. “Do you think you could have kept a date with death to yourself?”

“I wouldn’t have _had_ to keep it to myself, if everyone hadn’t been busy. Other people on this rock love my company. Beg for it, even.”

“And yet, you still don’t want to tell Merle…”

“Because Merle is a person I want to dish on my hot dates to,” the sound of Taako’s eyes rolling coming through loud and clear. “It’s impossible to tell how he’s going to react about anything. He might yell about it, he might try and get money out of me, he might start whispering sweet nothings to a passing flowers for no good reason. And besides, Kravitz is perfectly nice, once you get to know him. " 

"I feel like we got to know him pretty well,"  said Magnus, going back to leaning next to the door of Taako's room, trying to give the elf some privacy, but not giving up the conversation. "I mean, he was trying to drag us off to hell in the middle of a fight with an army of angry ghosts!  What's not to know?" 

"So, he didn't make a great impression! If people held us to that standard, we would be out of a job, a home, and potentially a planet by now.”  

“We’re charming!" said Magnus. "We have a unique charm.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that living tree from the bank that you cleft in twain would agree on that. Kravitz wasn’t even half that bad.”

”Yeah, he only faked Merle’s god and destroyed his arm!“ 

Taako leaned his head out of the door, looking Magnus dead in the eyes, his face blank. 

"Really?"  he asked, his tone flat and disbelieving. “He did that last one all on his own? That arm just _flew_ off?”

Magnus had the good grace to at least look a little embarrassed.  Taako returned to his clothing hunt.

“In any case, that’s been dealt with,” said Taako. “His goddess talked to our goddess, and we’re off the menu.” 

 "I'm just worried about you,"  said Magnus, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, feeling the heat in his skin slowly fade.  “What if he was lying? What if he's trying to take us out, one by one?  Separate us from the herd?" 

"Well, he's absolutely trying to take one of us out.  How do I look?" 

Taako stepped out of his room with a flourish.  He looked like a well groomed hurricane, colors and patterns flying around him like leaves, but somehow all tied together with a single cord. A half-robe blended in with a skirt, layered over a soft brown shirt and pants, barely contained with a forest green belt. His hat tipped rakishly, and he looked out from under the brim at Magnus, his eyes twinkling with mischief, but also with something Magnus wasn't expecting to see. 

Panic. 

"Hey, are you ok?" asked Magnus, taking a step towards Taako, only to have the mage step back.  

"I mean, of course if someone was taking me out, it would be for some ulterior motive, huh?"  said Taako, more to himself than to Magnus, his tone cutting and bitter.  He stalked over to the window in the common room, arms crossed as he stared over the planet below. "I mean, this is what I'm good for, now.  Just information, magic murder, and catch phrases.  Fuck." 

"Taako, I'm sorry..."  started Magnus, and Taako turned, seeming surprised that Magnus was there.  His face was tight with anger, both internal and external.  But as he looked at Magnus, he sighed.  Taako closed his eyes for a moment, and his expression calmed, and when his eyes opened, he just looked tired.  Taako crossed over to the couch, and patted on a cushion, inviting Magnus to sit by him.  

"Magnus,"  said Taako, his voice calm and low, searching the horizon for something unseen, obviously being very careful with his words.  "I know you care, but as much as this might surprise people who listen to me most of the time, I am an adult.  I know I act like an idiot sometimes, but I can take care of myself." 

"I know,” said Magnus, his expression looking more hangdog by the moment. “It's just..." 

“It’s just you’re scared, I know.”  Taako sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “The grand relics terrify the shit out of all of us!  And those red robes?  What is that shit?” 

“Yeah,”  said Magnus, rubbing the back of his hand absentmindedly.  “What, indeed…” 

“But we can’t let ourselves be ruled by fear,”  Taako continued, unstopping.  “I’ve lived too long running away from things I thought were my fault.  I just need to run towards something.  Even if it’s just for a night. Especially if it’s just for a night” 

Magnus laughed a little at that. “Taako rushes in?” 

“Let’s not go crazy here,” said Taako, looking over at Magnus with a sly grin. “More like, Taako saunters forward.  Maybe comes on down? Goes down? Who knows.  The night is still young.”

Magnus turned a shade or red not often seen outside of a box of crayons.  He sputtered a little as Taako laughed, pushing himself away from the couch. 

"I know we are in a dangerous situation, and you are worried, but you can't wrap everything up in cotton so it doesn't break.” He caught Magnus’ eye, and lifted one elegant brow. “We aren’t carvings, my dude.  We can’t be placed on a shelf.”  

 “Point taken,” said Magnus, laughing a little in surrender. He settled back into the couch, and pulled the half-rabbit back out of his pouch.  “So, where are you and old cold-bones going?”   

“uuhhhh....i'mnotsure?

“What was that?”

“I’m not sure?” said Taako, looking down at his nails, examining them for dirt. “I didn't think to ask…”

“Taako!”

“It'll be fine!“


	2. One small step for elf. One giant leap for reap-kind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz meets Taako, and brings along a coworker. There are some misunderstandings, but everyone is in for a wild ride by the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imbri is based on a character from the Piers Anthony novels, specifically "Night Mare." In reality, the character is nothing like her, personality wise, and the nightmare template is straight from Pathfinder, so it's just the same name, but credit where credit is due.

Taako, as he was _sure_ had been made clear to everyone by this point, wasn’t a fan of waiting. Some people who he lived with and had a tendency to comment on such matters might think it was strange that someone who seemed so easily confused by minor details, or fascinated by shiny objects could possibly become bored at any time, but those persons whose names start with M had been proven wrong on many an occasion.  In fact, he had become rather infamous around the moon for his lack of patience with being made to wait on other people’s bad choices, and the rather…interesting effects that lack had.  Mostly because his amount of patience usually was inversely proportionate to his number of spells slots.

The Director in the middle of her loud, disappointed, clear, and pointed lecture about how the streetlights did not need to be reshaped whenever there was a slight slowdown in the cafeteria, didn’t outright say she really preferred the way that Taako had brought out the shape of nightmares in his most recent metamorphic side project, but Taako could tell she was impressed. Merle had said that he had seen something like it in one of the Pan Tracks that his dad used to hand out to scare kids along the straight and narrow. Angus started crying when he saw it. Leon straight up fainted.

Taako changed them back the next day.  But he didn’t wait on meals for weeks.

But he did hate it.  And…as much as he hated to admit it, even to his own, hyper-speed zipping inner thoughts, he wasn’t super comfortable burning spell slots biding his time tonight.  Magnus’ words on dividing and conquering was gnawing at him a little.  He just historically wasn’t used to waiting, was the thing.  It was usually him that kept an audience in suspense, standing backstage as the murmurs grew louder, the smell of freshly cut garlic making everyone hungry for the show to start, and for it them to eventually want that finished meal when the show over.  Fun trick: if you start what you are cooking to be done baking by the time your performance if over, the smell gradually builds as the show goes on, creating a background of flavor to the glitz and glam onstage.

But this wasn’t like that.  He’d been waiting forever, sitting on this bench at the edge of the Bureau’s compound, unable to make his own entertainment.  Well…now he was laying on this bench, thinking (well, if he was being fair to himself (and when was he ever _really_ fair to himself) obsessing) about how this whole evening had gone wrong before it had even started.  Kravitz had said he would be at this specific bench, in this specific garden, with this specific lamppost at six thirty, and it was completely clear that he had changed his mind, decided not to come, and Taako was going to have to slink back to the dorm and have to endure the pitying eyes of Mangus, who would also be positively _itching_ to say ‘I told you so,’ or ‘Well, you knew what kind of guy he was’ or even ‘at least he didn’t make me chop off your limbs’ or some other similar nonsense.  Like, sure, Kravitz wasn’t really punctual on their first date either, but that was more of a, you know, a stealth operation.  This was all the bone-man’s idea. Kravitz had set the time.

Taako looked down at his watch. It was now six thirty _four. >  He would surely die._

Taako was ready to see was kind of damage he could do to a case of the cheapest, least drinkable wine he could trick Garfield out of for a bag of ruby dust (which he had found “hidden” in the “privacy” of Leon’s “personal quarters” that Taako was “trespassing in” instead of “dropping off a package”  like he was “asked to” by a person that Taako had “forgotten” when he was “asked about” by Leon at “midnight”) when he heard a very subtle, almost completely inaudible clearing of the throat from behind him.    

Taako sat up suddenly enough that this hair thwapped him across the eyeballs, just before spinning around fast enough for his ears to whip him in the forehead.

At the edge of the grass clearing, leaning against the lamppost was Kravitz, a bemused expression on his face.  He was standing comfortably, his arms lightly crossed, his posture straight, but not rigid, relaxed but not sloppy.  He was wearing a dark grey vest over a well tailored lighter grey shirt.  His similarly grey pants were tucked into calf-high boots, simply adorned with silver points.  His dark cloak hung loosely from his shoulders, unmoving in the unatmospheric clearing.  It wasn’t the crisp, fine suit that Taako was used to seeing him in, but it definitely felt like a variation on a theme.

And don’t get him wrong.  That theme was damn hot.

“Hello, creeper!  Why you being so creepy over there?”  said Taako, feeling flustered, but trying to shake it off.  Kravitz pushed off the post and walked forward into the light.

“In fairness, I did say your name when I arrived, but you didn’t hear me,”  he said, holding his hands up to show they were empty.  “And I’ve found it’s often a poor idea to startle wizards, even if they are expecting you.  Misunderstandings often lead to something unfortunate being destroyed.”

“So, did you just cut a little hole in the sky and slip in like last time?” said Taako, looking up and around and he closed the distance between the two of them.  “Because if so, kudos on your stitch work.  I can’t spot the seam at all.”

“Oh, I brought a different mode of transport with me tonight,”  said Kravitz, glancing over his shoulder and motioning for something to come over.  “I figured you may want to stay on this side of the Astral Plane for this evening, and it would be horribly rude to make you find your own way off the moon.  Come over here and say hello, Imbri.”

Taako watched as a black horse, darker than the deepest night stepped out of the shadows on the moon.  But not like “Oh, they stepped out, and you could see them, and they were in dim light before, and now they are in bright light” but like _stepped out_ , as if the darkness was a deep pool of vertical water that the horse was surfacing out of, on one side present, and the other side gone.  It’s mane was inky black, but the ends seems to smolder, giving the impression of a dark fire burning from inside the horse’s body. It’s eyes shone with an inner fire, flickering a deep, burning red, but it’s hooves were light, almost as if they weren’t even touching the ground.

Taako was on his feet and scrambling away before Kravitz could get another syllable out.

“Ok, look my dude when you said that thing before about startling wizards it sounded all good and cool and stuff, but now I know it’s bullshit because what is that and where did it come from and why do I suddenly feel like this is a fun new game called drag Taako to hell?” said Taako, all in one breath, standing stock still, on hand inching towards his UmbraStaff.  The horse took on look at him, and rolled it’s eyes.

“Oh, gods, no!”  said Kravitz, his eyes going wide with panic as Taako starts to back away.  He quickly dropped any glimmer of chillness as he walked forward, nearly tripping over himself.  “Shit.  I’m so sorry!  Imbri is coworker, of a sort.  She’s a Nightmare, and since you can’t just…you know…pop through the dimensions at will, and I wasn’t exactly sure how the whole transportation situation up here worked, I asked her if she could help out!”

Taako looked at Kravitz, and looked at Imbri, and stopped backing up.  Taking a deep breath, he turned on his heel, walked back to the bench, and sat down.

“Taako…” said Kravitz, sounding very unsure of what was happening.

“I am turning my watch back 10 minutes and we are just doing this again,”  said Taako, barely able to keep the slightly hysterical laughter out of his voice.  “Because I just fucking _refuse_ to misunderstand our way out of a second date.  Say my name louder this time.  It will help.”

“What?”

“I said we are doing this over!” said Taako, a little bit of more of that damn hysteria creeping into his tone.  “Look, mistakes were made on both sides, but we actually aren’t in initiative order, and we can just, like, do it again.  Look, I’ll make it even easier.  I’m only sitting on half of this bench.  You can just sit down and say hi.”

Taako sat there looking forward, and waited.  Which, he would point out to any person and/or horse-person that was standing in this clearing, was something he hated doing.  But unlike most times he waited, he was almost afraid to do anything, as if any movement he made would ruin the very thing that he was trying to fix.  It was hard for him to not hold his breath, as if the air on his lungs was the thing that would tip it over.

“Good evening ,Taako,”  said Kravitz, breaking the silence. Taako felt an entire world of stress fall off his shoulders as he sat down.  His eyes were soft, and he had a slightly unsure smile on his face. “Thank you for meeting me here. May I say, you look wonderful.”

“You look very nice yourself, my man,”  said Taako, his face opening into a joyful (barely manic at all and hardly forced, really) grin. He stretched his arms out as if he had been sitting for a while, shaking off some of the tension from before.  "What’s on the docket for tonight?  Another round of pottery?”

“Well, I thought we could try something a little more planet-side, and go check out a traveling fair on the outskirts of Goldcliff," said Kravitz, ducking slightly out of the way of an errant limb stretching his way with a chuckle.  "I heard that the Neverwinter Players were traveling for the first time in ten years, and I thought we could catch a show."

"Oh."  said Taako, his face stilling.  He pulled his arms back into himself and folded his arms back into his lap.  "I, uh, am not sure that would be the, um, _best_ course of action..."

"Well, if theater isn't your thing,"  said Kravitz, casting about a bit, sounding less confident by the second. "I'm sure we could find something else. I understand the fairgrounds have a couple of different forms of entertainment..."

"No, that's not it,"  said Taako, quickly putting his hand on Kravitz's arm.  

It shouldn't have meant anything, really.  Person to person contact wasn't something you wrote down in your diary, tallied down in your to-do list.  But as Taako placed his hand on Kravitz's arm, resting his long fingers on the reaper's deceptively strong, solid arm,  he could feel the whole world shift, just a tiny bit.  

It could be a thousand years from that moment, and he was sure he would be able to remember the exact way the fabric felt under his hand, softer than the rough spun nature would have implied.  He'd be able to see the soft light reflecting up off the planet, showing the contrast between Kravitz's dark clothes and his fair skin.  He'd have the strange ozone scent of the moon nipping at the edge of his nose, but he'd also be able to smell the very edge of sandlewood and myrrh. 

It was a thousand years.  It was a second.  Taako could feel the edges of memories that he knew he was missing tremble, but hold fast.  It was nothing.

It was everything.

"Taako?"

Kravitz's concerned voice shook him out of that moment.  He blinked, and was surprised to find tears hovering in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over.  He pulled his hand back, or, at least he would have, if there wasn't suddenly a large, long face in between them.

Imbri let out a snort, hot, sulfurous air covering the two of them. A low rumble came out from between her large teeth, and she pushed Kravitz in side of his head with her nose. As quickly as she had appeared, she departed, walking away quieter than any horse had a right to. Taako used the momentary distraction to make sure whatever after effect of his eternal moment was wiped away from his face.

"Before we were so rudely interrupted by someone who is awfully impatient for someone whose plans tonight involved _stable duty_ ," said Kravitz, wiping what looked to be drool from the side of his black hair.  "I was going to ask what was wrong with the plans, but now I'm more concerned if something's wrong with tonight.  Are you sure you want to do this?"

Taako shook his head for what felt like the hundredth time tonight.  He looked at Kravitz, hesitant, concerned, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what was happening here.

He was fucking this up.

"No, no, no, that's super not it,"  said Taako, glancing back at Imbri, who was now poking her hoof at the base of a lamppost. He was not going to let a horse have more composure than him, dammit.  "Really, I'm happy to be here.  Thrilled even! It's just that...I think I'm more nervous about this whole thing than I guess I thought? Fuck, I’m more nervous than when I opened my first show.  And..."

"And...?"  asked Kravitz, an eyebrow lifting with his voice, his eyes searching Taako's face for any clue. Taako took a breath and jumped in.

"We've....kinda...been through Goldcliff?” said Taako, looking into Kravitz’s face for any sign of disapproval or judgement. “And I'm not sure how much of our general "goings on" you are in the know about, but me and the boys don't really leave the best impression through a town."

Kravitz's expression did not change.  Taako was terrified.

Taako continued.

"I may be a wanted man there?  I can't remember?  We didn't like, kill anyon...many ones...but the captain did poison himself in front of us, and we did run off, and we won this illegal race, but there were masks involved, but I don’t know if that was enough, and we destroyed a whole bank, and there was a poison tree and two nice lesbians, and I guess I don’t know if they were lesbians but they were in love, and….”  Taako trailed off into silence, realizing that he was just stringing words together without sense, hoping for any reaction.

For a long moment, neither man spoke, they just looked at each other, until Kravitz closed his eyes for a moment, and tilted his face towards the ground. He shuddered a moment, and Taako's heart sunk as he tried to figure out what was happening.

It took a moment for Taako to realize he was laughing.

"What. The hell. Is so funny!"  he said, using the thread he was holding on to his indigence by to keep him out of the pit of laughter that Kravitz seemed to have fallen in.  Kravitz was progressing quickly, having quickly gone from pealing guffaws to silent, wracking, soundless laughter, the kind that is almost impossible to tell from sobbing.  Taako wasn't sure, but it almost looked like Kravitz’s hand, gripping tightly on his knee, faded to bone as he gripped, trying to get a hold on himself.

"Sorry!"  said Kravitz, in between gasps of air, the laughter fading, tears streaming down his face.  "I'm so, sorry, it's just...man.  I've never met someone who would be more unwelcome in a town than I am.  Just, never occurred to me it would be a concern, sorry.  Woo, ha.  And I thought this would be _less_ awkward sober. _Man._ "

"Wait, why wouldn't they like you in...oh grim reaper,"  said Taako, nodding slowing in understanding.  "But like...you don't look all dead-like all the time?  And while you do seem to stay on the dark side of the spectrum, clothing wise, you aren't the only one who does that?"

“Bounty hunting isn’t only the fighting part,” said Kravitz, wiping his hand with the back of his face. “I usually have to go through places and actually track necromancers and wayward spirits down. Which means when I come through on a nonbusiness matters, if people see me, those people tend to avoid the person who they just saw chase ol’ Jed off into the swamps. Or, try to burn the person who they saw take away Aunt Mary to her final rest at the stake. Which is why I have these.”

Kravitz pulled out a pair of bracelets, made of dark purple beads carved with dark black runes. Taako could feel the magic coming off them. As he looked closer, he could see that it was partially some protection magic, but also a little bit of transformation magic as well. 

"These are something we emissaries of the Raven Queen wear when we go out in the world “off duty,” said Kravitz. Held one up, and showed it to Taako. “It doesn’t actively mess with your mind, but once you are out of line of sight, it causes people to gently forget they saw you. They can be linked, so they don’t effect people who wear ones that are attuned to each other, so I brought one for you as well.”

“Uh, that’s very sweet, and don’t get this twisted, it’s exactly perfect, but why would you think I would need this?” said Taako, not reaching out to touch the bracelet. “I’m not some kind of…train attendant, or whatever, who won’t use their spells to get themselves out of trouble.”

“Ok, I’m sure there’s a story behind that, but the other side effect of these bracelets is that if we get separated, location spells don’t work on the wearer, or for the wearer, for something like 24 hours,” said Kravitz, setting the bracelet on the bench. “Now, I know that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, but sometimes the memory charm at the disconnect hits kind of hard, and if a crowd surge happened, and we were separated, it’s likely that you’d forget we were there together, and maybe confused as to where you were. And while I’m sure you could get back on your own…”

“You have that thing against startling wizards, yeah,” Taako said, absentmindedly. He poked at the bracelet again. It wasn’t a complicated enchantment, really. Nothing he couldn’t break, given a determined mood. And honestly, it _was_ thoughtful.

What the hell.

“Ok, sure!” said Taako, grabbing the bracelet and slipping it on. He stood up, and held a hand out for Kravitz. “Well, that was my worry! Let’s go!”

“Wait, that’s it?” said Kravitz, looking startled at the abrupt change in attitude. “Wasn’t there something else?”

“Come on, Krav, the lady is _waiting_!” said Taako, tilting his head towards Imbri, letting a genuine smile form on his face. “And I’m sorry to say, you haven’t earned enough Taako XP to unlock any more tragic backstory. Besides, we have the rest of the evening to talk about things. That’s what, like a date is _for._ ” 

“Well, when you put it like that, I guess I can’t argue” said Kravitz, letting himself be pulled to his feet. He held Taako’s hand a moment longer, causing Taako to look at him with a question in his eye. “Just one thing.”

“What is it?” said Taako, trying hard not to sound exasperated, but knowing he wasn’t quite succeeding.

“Please, don’t call me Krav,” said Kravitz, reaching up to push a small strand of hair out of Taako’s eyes. “It sounds like a disease.”

Taako could swear the horse was laughing as stammered a little apology, but he was sure Kravitz was as he climbed up on Imbri’s back. Nightmare’s were a good 12 inches higher than Daryl, and Taako didn’t have what anyone would call the most graceful seat to begin with.

But that was all forgotten as Kravitz mounted behind him, steadying Taako with his hands as Imbri walked around the clearing. It was easy to become relaxed as Kravitz made sure Taako was secure as Imbri took it slow around the bench, and then finally to the edge of the base looking down over the planet.

Which is the moment that Taako fully realized that Imbri was lacking anything of substance to hold onto.

“Uhh, guys?” said Taako, looking exactly how far down the planet was. “You do remember some of us are living people here, right?”

“Oh course, Taako!” said Kravitz, mischief and sincerity mixed in his tone. “Imbri has made this trip hundreds of times! And I’m sure dozens of them live to tell the tale!”

“DOZENS?” said Taako, his voice rising into a register that would make dogs howl, if they were allowed on the moon. 

“Hold on!”

“TO WHAT?”

Before he could push himself off, Imbri gathered herself and leapt into the sky. Taako leaned back into Kravitz, digging his hands into those well tailored grey pants, screwed his eyes closed, and waited for the falling to start. 

But the falling never started. Or at least, the feeling of falling never started.

Taako cracked his eyes open.

They were absolutely falling, but no air was blowing past them. Imbri was navigating through the clouds, but not a hair from her main was moving. Kravitz was sitting up straight, with his arms out to keep Taako steady on Imbri’s back, but otherwise it looked as if they were standing still.

“You are such a jerk,” muttered Taako, as he stretched his hands out and smoothed out the fabric of Kravitz’s pants. But he didn’t stop leaning back into Kravitz. 

Kravitz didn’t shift him away, either.

“That was totally Imbri’s idea,” said Kravitz. He leaned the side of his face into Taako’s head as the planet below grew larger, and they slowly, but safely, made the trip down. “I don’t argue with a horse that speaks Abyssal. She’s worse than a wizard.”

“You know?” said Taako. “Can’t fault you on that one, my dude. Can’t fault you on that one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm so excited people are liking this! I'm hoping to have a chapter up again in like..5 days? for the actual date. I was kind of hoping before the next ep. drops, but that's not going to happen.
> 
> Again, unbetaed, so I may read through this tomorrow and go OH MAN WHAT HAVE I DONE TO GRAMMAR THIS BAD, but I was hoping to get this out before too much time had passed.
> 
> The plan on this is 5 chapters. I have been wrong before, but I'm still pretty confident this is a 5 plot beat arch. However, the ending is actually written, so I promise it will end!


	3. A G'Night at the Theater (the G stands to Great PROMISE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Taako go to see some theater! And this date's still going GREAT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I MIGHT be panicked about the new episode coming out tomorrow. So, here's the first half of the next chapter! so, I'm going to split this chapter in half, but now I'll make the next chapter longer! everyone wins! except me? because more words? no, I think I still win. I'm sure that's how this works.

There is something magical about theater well done.  The interaction of the lights and the costumes can whisk you away to a land of pure imagination.  The music will pillow you in a soft bed of melody and harmony, woven with only the softest words drawn from intimate memories, weft with the resolve only felt in those rare moments of true bravery, and spun with love that lasts beyond the lifetimes of the stars themselves. When you witness truly great theater, you can’t stop talking about it; your love pours out of you like water from a jug, soaking the soil around you with praise, growing bounteous joy for anyone around to see.

Which is why when theater is bad, it can leave you at such a loss for words.

“Well, that was…interesting…” said Taako, swirling the dregs of a far too small glass of wine at the bottom of a glass. He was leaning against a hightop table and looking around the lobby area of the theater. Kravitz stood beside him, an empty glass in front of him, his head in his hands. 

The intermission lobby was filled with tables of various sizes, where the audience had been shunted into at the end of the first act. Various people (were they actors, Taako wondered? or waiters? confused patrons?) were in full make-up and costume, dressed up like the casualties of the “war on creativity” that had been being “fought” in the first act. With false limbs, rotting appendages, and oozing wounds, they began passing out food and drink. 

Apparently, even with the disguise bracelet on, Kravitz could stop three separate clueless “wounded” in their tracks with only a glare. Taako tried to be a little kinder, but he took one sip of whatever swill they were trying to pass of as liquid and gave up on being nice. Kravitz spoke very quietly to one of them, and whatever garbage fruit juice and mystery mess that they had tried to pawn off on they two of them was removed. One of the wounded returned a minute later with two bottles of wine and stood in the corner, shaking quietly.

“I can’t believe how bad this is,” said Kravitz. He glanced up momentarily, and whatever he saw on Taako’s face made him look back down again. “I thought the Neverwinter Player’s had a better reputation than this. Petrouv Brausuious was critically praised!”

“I can’t believe they built the lobby behind the stage,” said Taako, flagging down their wine bearer. He slipped their dedicated bearer a couple coins, and grabbed the bottles, making a shooing gesture. “I’ve heard of a captive audience, but this is taking it a little far.”

No response. Taako sighed. This was feeling a lot like waiting.

Things weren’t going that bad on this second date thing, but he wasn’t sure how to handle this whole…this. Is it second hand embarrassment? Gods, who has time for that? You know, besides like, everyone, basically. But this was something else.

Did Kravitz think this play reflected badly on him? 

Oh shit. Did Kravitz care what _he_ felt about this was going? Were really stupid, honest, _feelings_ happening over some bard school drop-outs answer to what do you do when you can neither music nor magic well enough to cut it?

This called for drastic measures. He was going to have to be _charming._

“Hey, handsome,” said Taako, injecting some playful warmth in his tone, eyes scanning the room, looking for an opening. “The stumbling horde is starting to herd people back into the house. I think they want us to return to our seats.”

Kravitz groaned, but turned his face to the side. Taako looked down with a small smile, and pushed a refilled glass towards him. Kravitz downed it in one gulp, and looked at the ceiling. Taako reached forward and touched Kravitz’s hand, tracing his fingers over the top of the other man’s knuckles. Kravitz sighed, and took Taako’s hand.

“We have to go back in, don’t we?”

“Well,” said Taako, emptying the end of both bottles into the glasses. “I can’t imagine they could make us.”

“Taako, we can’t destroy a theater.”

“I think you underestimate us.”

“Ok, yes,” said Kravitz, rolling his eyes, and smiling, defeated. He straightened up and looked around, composing himself. “We _could_ destroy it. We shouldn’t.” 

“I know,” handing him the last glass of wine, hooking his arm, and looking over the room. “I just want to hear your reasons. I’m sure they are fascinating.” 

Taako would say he’d seen worse, because of course he had. He’s pretty sure he’d _been_ worse. You don’t strut your hour upon the stage without having the occasional misguided attempt at _ART._

However, it seemed like Kravitz was discovering that occasionally even the best review theater troupe can fall prey to an overambitious director. Or just poor taste. 

But then. _Oh_ then. Then Taako saw something. Something wonderful.Something that was about make this whole thing worth it. And in spite of himself, in spite of his attempts to be charming, he began to snicker. 

So what if the show on the stage was bad? The show out here was about to be _divine._

“Are you enjoying this?” Kravitz asked, with a suspicious sideways glance.

“The show?” said Taako, pulling in Kravitz’s arm to whisper in the other man’s ear. “Oh, gods no. But I think you’ve missed the best part.”

“And what would that be?” whispered back Kravitz, looking around.

“That.” said Taako, pointing at a sign. As Krativz saw it, he swore in languages that Taako was sure no longer were spoken among the living. Taako's laughter rang out, as he dragged the hesitant bounty hunter into the darkness of the theater. 

Written in elaborate lettering, covered in multicolored glitter was this simple phrase:

“Act two contains extensive audience participation”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time....There's a cooking act in town, with a masked mystery cook with a mysterious past. Taako insists they check it out, but it might be an explosive encounter. NEXT TIME!


	4. The Plays NOT the Thing (Or GET this OUT of my HAIR)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awful play.
> 
> A crowded lobby.
> 
> Some spiteful spellwork.
> 
> Our totally rocking dude's date is going to hit a couple more bumps before it hits smooth sailing. But at least there will be refreshments along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So.
> 
> This was supposed to be a transition paragraph.
> 
> You may recognize this as the longest paragraph in the story so far.
> 
> I don't know what to tell you. I also apologize that we didn't QUITE get to the event mentioned at the end of the chapter, but I figured if I actually wrote that, it might actually take me another week to get this out.
> 
> HOWEVER, I do want to shout out and say super thanks for all the nice comments! I've never gotten such great feedback before. It really makes it easier to come back and keep plugging away at this.

Language is a funny thing.  When most people say transmutation, grand and large changes come to mind:  alchemical transformations of lead into gold, of flesh into stone, of laboratory into crystal. 

But transmutation is not only magical in nature.  People perform simple transmutations whenever they weave plant matter together to make cloth, or mix it together a slightly different way to make bread.  It's the way you can change a jumble of sounds together to make music, or to form those sounds into language, and that language into law.  And in this field, outside of Goldcliff, next to a swamp, it had transformed a dry plain into a festive carnival, filled with tents, buildings, and mysteries.

And mysteries are the trick, aren't they.  You can hide a mystery anywhere.  Behind a hand, behind a curtain. Even behind a mask.  But one thing is for sure.  Where there is a mystery, there's always a person or persons who want that mystery to stay hidden.  Almost as much as there is a person who probably needs that mystery to be found.  The question is, really, what happens when the mystery is discovered?  And what happens when that discovery is revealed to an elf who suddenly has very little left to lose?

Hiding suddenly becomes very low on the list of possible outcomes.

~~~

The second act of the...huh. Taako guessed one would call it a "play,” even though there was nothing playful about it.  It was dull, dragging, and pretentious, and worst of all, bad. But it would have been an unimportant blip on an otherwise fine excursion, if not for the aforementioned participation.  It was a uninspired as the stage directions. 

People in “randomly” selected seats were herded to various parts of the theater, both by themselves and in groups.  Taako was lumped into a small group in the back, told they were to be "disapproving neighbors." Kravitz, on the other hand, was pulled dead (pun absolutely intended) center stage, and surrounding him with a mix of small children and garishly painted adults.  At the best of times, he would have stood out of a crowd, but in this mix, he was one achingly polite onyx statue in a field of rumpled, garish banners, flapping in the rain.  Stoic didn’t begin to describe it.   

There’s a special place in hell, mused Taako, for the person who ever thought it was a good idea to use the reactions of amateurs to bolster the flagging talents of so called professionals.  This went for actors, dancers, or, though it made Taako shudder to think of it, politicians. But there was really no helping it.  Their choices were to make a scene in exiting, or become part of a scene in remaining. However, had Taako realized that “audience participation” in this instance meant “dragging a certain divine reaper onstage” and asking him to “interact with clownish buffoonery” in the form of the unwitting innocent in the middle of a couple’s argument, complete with the wailing and gnashing of teeth of their “children”, he probably would have burned the spell slot to get them out of there.

Like, totally probably.  Very nearly definitely.

And while he was sure he helped the audience forget about that obvious amateurish scene with his additions as one of the put-upon neighbors (where he was sure the actor that pulled him towards the back, hissingly hoping he wouldn't "disturb the magic" of the scene unfolding was sure he would be kept under control.  ha.  ha.  ha.) he also knew that there was a danger in focusing that much of the audiences attention on himself.  There were few things worse than the anger of a troupe of actors upstaged, especially for someone who was _supposed_ to be keeping a low profile.  Lowish.  In the vicinity of low.  

But it was all worth it as the “actors” released their audience/victims (or, audi-tims, as Taako was beginning to think of them) back to their seats, to feel Kravitz’s hand seek his, a murmured thank you and a grasp of gratitude surprisingly urgent in the dark theatre.  Taako wouldn’t have known from Kravitz’s “performance” that anything was going wrong.  Dude has a hell of a bluff check, was what he was saying. 

Taako really internalized things were starting to go sideways when, as they were exiting the theater, Kravitz cocked his head to the left and pulled them aside.

“Taako, can we hold back a moment?” said Kravitz, sounding less…Kravtiz-y than Taako was expecting. Taako glanced at Kravitz, and gave him a small shrug, still looking a little wary.  There was no harm in stopping here, he guessed. 

“Yes, my dude?” he said, glancing around as the crowd dispersed.  “What’s up?”

“Did you…notice anything in there?”  said Kravitz, looking around the lobby, his eyes darting a little too quickly around the room, the muscles around his eyes tight.  “Did anything in that room feel…off for you?”

“Not apart from whatever was happening on that stage…” started Taako, before he got a good look at Kravitz’s eyes.  It wasn’t something Taako identified often, but it apparently wasn’t the time for jokes. “No.  Nothing.  Is this like last time?  Is there a lich?”

“No, nothing like that,”  said Kravitz, scratching at his arm in an unconscious gesture, hard enough that Taako’s arm ached in sympathy.  “It felt…strange. Like I was walking though pudding.    For a few seconds up there, it was like I was a thousand miles away.”

“Well.” said Taako, reaching up to brush a stand of Kravitz’s hair away from the side of the other man’s face.  Kravitz didn’t didn’t flinch away, but he did freeze as Taako’s hand came close.  Taako hovered, then lightly rested his hand on Kravitz’s shoulder, cradling the side of his neck.  Even with his chilly skin, Taako was taken aback by how smooth Kravitz’s skin was, how tense his shoulders.  He caught Kravtiz’s eyes, and traced a thumb along his clenched jaw.  “It sounds like something happened up there, and that was very real, but it might have been more personal.  Do you spend a lot of time in front of large crowds?"

Kravitz looked at Taako like he hadn’t quite heard him, but did relax slightly into the gentle touches.  He pursed his lips before he spoke.

“Are you suggesting it was stage fright, Taako?”  said Kravitz, bringing his hand up to touch Taako’s wrist.  He smiled slightly, but his eyes remained tight, trying to make a joke of it all.

It obviously wasn’t very funny.

“Well, that’s obviously not _all_ it was, but it may be complicating things,” said Taako, twisting his hand around to grab Kravitz’s, and start to pull them into the light of the hallway. “You are used to working in the shadows, or more directly.  And that’s great!  It’s a great look!”

“Thaaaanks…?” said Kravitz, as stumbled forward a little, smiling more genuinely. He still was glancing back toward the darkness, untrusting of what they might be missing.

“No, _trust me_ it’s great,” said Taako, turning around the last corner before the lobby. “But lurking usually means that there are things hiding.  People up on stage are not, traditionally, the people getting the wool pulled over their eyes, and hiding is the last thing they want to be doing.”

“Well, yes, but…” 

 “Look, this place has bad vibes written all over it,” said Taako, cutting Kravitz off gently, gesturing to the door.  “Let’s go get some java, get out into the open air, and we can talk about this.  I’m sure…”

“ _Hey there he is!_ ” 

Taako and Kravitz froze as they spotted a small herd of adolescents pointed at them, giggles and smiles all over the place.  They were some of the actors from the play, waiting in the lobby.  The real problem is they had created a nearly complete roadblock between the two men and the exit.

And it wasn’t like the rest of the room was empty, either.  There was a couple of small groups people straggling in the lobby as well, including one that Taako just _knew_ was the director.  Mr. Director was eyeing the two of them up and down, with a gleam in his eye that Taako recognized from his years on the road.  

Mr. DIrector thought he was going to make a profit.  And it didn’t take a genius to realize that he thought that profit was coming from the faces he saw coming into the room.  It made Taako feel cheep with a word he say mouthed across the room. "Oppertunity".

“I thought you said people wouldn’t recognize us,” hissed Taako, a smile plastered to his face.  He took a shifted to take a step towards the crowd and then stopped, unsure of his next move. The children giggled more.  It was _piercing_.

“No, they won’t remember us,”  said Kravitz, squeezing Taako’s hand before dropping it.  “We still look the same.  And they won’t forget us for an hour or so in any case.”

“Shit,” said Taako, walking in step with Kravitz, trying hard to look casual and conversational, and not the panicked animal he felt like.  

“Maybe if we split up?” suggested Kravitz, walking towards the wall, forcing a smile that Taako was absolutely sure he had copied off of a dead body.  “We can meet up at the Shaded Lady on the outer ring of the fair?”

“That might be easier than leaving as a pair, sure,” said Taako, as he scanned the room again.  Not a lot of great exits, but more for one than for two. “Well, let me work my magic, and see if I can distract them.”

Taako shook his head and smiled, walking towards the group of kids, warm and open, ready to welcome the adoring public.

Only to have the “adoring public” _adore_ some other _fucking_ public.

For someone whose AC was at _least_ 20 flatfooted, Kravitz was quickly overtaken by a group of teens.  They all spoke in one, completely incomprehensible voice, asking him about his interests, his relationship status, or his hair stylist.  Their hands kept coming close, and Taako could tell Kravitz wanted nothing more than to smack their hands (and perhaps heads?  who can tell?) away, but also couldn’t bring himself to, you know, murder some innocent kids without real motive.

And Taako supposed that murdering a bunch of innocent actors wasn’t a great look, even for someone who bounty hunts the living.

There wasn’t any money in it, anyway.

Taako gathered his bruised pride and his shaky dignity around himself, and turned to leave, only to run into a surprise second encounter.  

Mr. Director smiled, easily able to overtake Taako's more reasonable flatfooted AC of 11, his waves of "charm" washing over the elf like a luke-warm rain coming off a lake that just had a massive fish die-off.  

“I know star power when I see it,” stared Mr. Director, the grease pouring off his voice like an oil slick trailing behind a whaling ship.  He obviously thought himself a charmer, his nails carefully painted in delicate lilac, but chipped at the edges from careless hands flapping about.  He posed like...well...what Taako assumed people did when they were copying his pose work.  All flash, no form.

Not pulling it off, that's for sure.

 “ _What_ is it going to take to get you back on this stage.”

“Oh, dahling,”  said Taako, taking Mr. Director by the arm, venom clear in his voice, but somehow flying over his head.  “Tell me what you have got!”

“I can tell you are the brains of your team,” said Mr. Director, waving a hand back at Kravitz, who had managed to get the teens to keep their distance to an arm’s length, even if they weren’t leaving him alone.  “But both of your auras are _dazzling._ ”

“Dazzling you say?”

“Yes, _Dazzling!_ ” said Mr. Director, full schmooze pouring out of him.  Taako wanted to pull away, but knew he needed a few more moments to set up his escape.  “And I can offer you billing!”

“Just billing? With a dazzling aura?  How gauche.”

“You can’t expect more than that without seeing my _true vision_!” Mr. Director waved his hand in the air as if to show the image of a wonderful image.  Taako was sure he had not intended to capture Kravitz’s panicked image in dealing with excited children, but he was sure that it was the only thing worth looking at in this theater.  

And that _image._ Even surrounded by young adults, trying very hard not to make a scene, and be as uninteresting as possible, Kravitz still looked, well, fucking fantastic. Taako wasn’t quite sure, with the acoustics in this room being so garbage, but Kravitz _might_ have been putting on a little bit of his work accent on display.  One of the girls leaned over to one of the boys, and they both giggled together, looking positively awash with puppy love.  Though, with some of the hand gestures they were making to each other, they looked like they might be able to be trying to suggest puppy’s first threesome.  

This might be getting out of hand.

“What do you say?” said Mr. Director, looking at Taako expectantly, making it clear that he had been talking the entire time Taako had been zoning out.  Taako  managed to catch Kravitz’s eye, and slowly winked.  

“Well, what else could I say?”  said Taako.  He turned to face Mr. Director straight on, making sure he had a clear path to the exit of the theater.  He smiled, projecting the sincere joy he felt at being able to say the next things he said.

“Fear.  Darkness.”

There was a mass of wisdom-save failures with over enthusiastic and under-wise actors suddenly remembering why ancient man was seriously afraid of the dark. Almost as if choreographed, they ran into the darkness, too frightened to scream, but to panicked to escape.  There were crashes as actors ran into audience members, as people ran into objects. 

If one were watching the theatre, you might have expected to see an outpouring of people from the doors, and eventually, you did.  But two things you didn’t see.  You did not see a certain tall dark gentleman.  And you did not see a handsome, well dressed elf.  It’s been said that discretion is the better part of valor.  At least, that’s what Taako told himself as he exited the lobby as it descended into utter chaos, leaving behind him a not totally unfamiliar sound of destruction and terror. 

Taako walked calmly away from the mounting roar of panic, maintaining his invisibility spell until he was well out of sight of the theater.  Sure, it was burning another spell slot, but what kind of shitty wizard was caught _running away_ from the scene of the crime?

It didn’t take him long to regain his bearings once he was back in the sunlight.  The festival, somehow, had continued unhindered by their absence.  In a weaker moment, Taako might have let this fact get him down about how the world never really noticed he was gone.

Yeah.  Look at him not let him get it down.

Woo.

“Pardon me, sir?” said a small boy, shaking Taako out of himself.  Taako looked down at a young boy that for some reason did _not_ look like he wanted to solve a mystery.  He was strangely sad about this.  The boy continued.

“Are you looking for something to see?”  the boy shoved a handful of papers in Taakos hands.  “Look no further than the Knight of All Trades Caravan!  We have a show for every tease, and a taste for every temper!”

“Sounds great, kid,” said Taako, looking at the top flyer, to something called, ‘Fushigi, the Dancing Spheres’.  “But I’m looking for some place called ‘The Shaded Lady.’ Can you point me towards it?”

The boy pointed over his shoulder, already moving on to a new mark.  Taako almost just dumped the papers in the dirt, but it never hurt to keep up on the trade.  Could be an up and comer with potential, or something.  Might be the next big thing.

Even with the half-assed directions, it didn’t take Taako long to find the spot.  When Kravitz had mentioned this place, Taako wasn’t quite sure what kind of establishment he was going to find.  The Shaded Lady could be anything from a brothel to a garden, so he was pleasantly surprised when he found it was a musician’s area.  There were tall tables and shaded benches, as well as piles of cushions piled on curved shells mimicking caves, sitting rugs that had been rolled out over the dirt.

Taako settled himself between a dark side table and a small pile of cushions, tucked into a small staging area just off the beaten path of the main drag of the festival. Lute music filled the alcove sheltered at the edge of the festival, bordered by various vendors of small treats and doodads, but most importantly, was out of the eyes of any small thespians that might have tailed him to his destination. While the music was lovely, and the seat was very comfortable, there was something of note missing.

Fortunately, it only took a few minutes before what was lacking was provided.

“Thank you for your help back there,” said Kravitz, easily settling in and joining Taako on the cushions. He had with him two small cups of liquid carefully balanced in his hands.  He offered one to Taako, who took it with a smile.  It was lightly sweetened and delightfully warm.  “Even though those last couple of moments in the theatre were little more harrowing than I think the thespians were expecting.”

“Can you honestly say that thing that they called a play was what we were expecting?”  said Taako, looking slyly over at Kravitz.  Kravitz snorted.

“No, it was an unmitigated disaster,” said Kravitz, sipping his drink, looking vaguely abashed.  However, he was no longer looking as hunted as he was in the theater, which was somewhat a relief to Taako.  Well, sort of a relief.  Mostly just confusing, really. 

“Oh, it was mitigated somewhat,: said Taako, using he needling to try and pull something more than a casual reaction from his date. “Those young thespians were quite fond of you.”

“You know, I did notice that, believe it or not,” setting his empty cup on a side table to clap politely as the musical finished his set.  A host announced the next performer would begin in 10 minutes. “I also noticed that the director had some choice words he had to share with you.  Anything to make up for the time we spent there?”

“Oh, he did in deed!” said Taako, turning to Kravitz with mischief and more than a slight bit of spite in his eye.  “The director was asking if we wouldn’t want to come back for the evening show!

Taako couldn’t believe it was possible, but Kravitz may have gotten slightly more pallid in the eyes at that one. 

“He also said I was an amazing sport Taako continued. “And he was apparently just _dazzled_ by your aura.’ He was sure everyone would see his true visions if we came back.”

Taako smiled broadly, sure that his teeth looked slightly sharp in the shade of the alcove.  Kravitz was looking up and down his face, rolling very very poorly on his apposed bluff check.  He swallowed with a viscerally dry mouth before asking:

“…and you said?”

“I said we had other plans,” said Taako, mournfully.  He reached over to hold one of Kravitz’s hands, happy to find the chilly limb given freely.  Taako cradled it with a tenderness that belied his mocking tone. “He even offered to give us billing…”

“It seems like I might have to try and make this up to you somehow,” said Kravitz, smiling somewhat more ruefully at Taako.  But, as the moment carried on, Kravitz’s eyesbrows knitted together slightly, still trying to find his way out of the thoughts he had lost himself in earlier.  Taako felt a twinge of something odd in his chest, which took him a moment to place.

Guilt.  Shit.  Did he feel _guilty_ about his ?  What the hell was _happening_ to him?  He’d only poked some fun the ridiculousness of the whole situation.  Just like he would under any situation.  With anyone. _Literally_ anyone. 

He should leave.  This was getting too real. They’d seen a thing, it’s been an event.  The whole mood had gone south, so it was unlikely that the moment of clarity he felt earlier was going to lead to anything.  And if he didn’t want to go back to the moon, he could wander a while, see some sights, bang some dudes, remember what it like to be a hot elf on the town.

He just had to stand up and walk away.  Ok.  Stand up.  Say his goodbyes.  If there was one thing that Taako had become excellent at over the years, it was goodbyes.

Great. Any minute now.

Huh.

Here’s the thing.

There was nothing in this word that was going to get him to let go of these hands before Kravitz was ready.

Shit.

_Shit._

What was _happening._

It wasn't like he was _above_ the occasional compassionate moment, but this was getting _stupid_.

But no.  He fucking was _worried_ about Kravitz’s _feelings._   About something he didn’t even _do_.  Like, just because it was _bothering_ him, because Kravitz was upset.  Sort of.  

_Shit._

“Did you find anything out of the ordinary around the theater?”  asked Taako, keeping his tone light, trying to show a little more compassion, and a little less of his mounting internal panic.  Kravitz looked up, his smile looking more fragile, and gently pulled his hands back.  Taako felt their absence like a bolt, his hands twitching unconsciously as they dropped, and he pulled them back.

“I thought you were banking on stage fright?” said Kravitz, as he curled back into the cushions, his shoulders creating a protective hunch, somehow looking vulnerable and stiff at the same time.  “And no, nothing unusual.  Nothing _sinister_. I was probably just imagining it.”

“Horseshit,” said Taako, with more venom than he intended.  Kravitz looked over with mild shock. Taako leaned in close to Kravitz face, staring deep into his eyes, all the frustration of his strange emotions and the bottling up of those emotions channeling into determination. 

“Look,”  Taako said, his nose nearly touching Kravitz’s, almost seeing the reflection of his own elven eyes in the cool silver eyes of the other man. “I’m not always the best at “tack”, but you weren’t _imagining_ shit. If you say something was happening, we are working off that assumption.” 

“Taako,” said Kravitz, shaking his head, but not pulling away. However, Taako was caught in the moment, and turned, gesticulating wildly.

“I would rather believe,” Taako continued. “And it’s much more likely, that I missed every single perception I have ever made was faulty than…”

“Taako.”

“What!”  said Taako, turning sharply to look back, his hair and eyes wild, his cheeks flushed.

“Thanks,” said Kravitz, before leaning forward to catch Taako in a kiss.

Oh.

_Oh_

Kravitz leaned back, searching Taako’s face for a reaction he wasn’t finding.

“Sorry,”  he said, leaning back, starting to babble apologies at Taako’s silence.  “I overstepped.  It’s no excuse, but I haven’t really been on a _casual_ outing in a while, not that this is _casual_ , but I should have asked, I should just go, shouldn’t I, yeah, that’s probably what you’d li…”

“Kravitz?” said Taako, still looking a little dazed.

“Yes?” said Kravitz, looking ready to jump out of his seat at the next moment.

“Get back over here, you _ass_ , and finish that.”

Kravitz didn’t waste another moment before he was back, filling the space he had left just a moment before.  He pressed his face agains Taako, mouth soft and hungry. Taako leaned into it, parting his lips, tracing those sharp, pointy teeth with his tongue. Kravitz’s mouth was strangely cool, but still slightly warm and sweet from the drink.

“Huh,” said Kravitz, breaking the kiss, sounding a little breathless, looking a little more disheveled than their relatively tame actions would have warranted.  “Ok.  Wow.”

Taako laughed, letting his forehead fall into Kravitz’s shoulder, his whole chest shaking at the ridiculousness of it all.

It was wonderful.

Well, at least until the drunken halfling knocked an entire nearby table over, covering the two of them with half-eaten detritus. Kravitz managed to doge out of the way of the worst of it, staying on the edge of the seat, but the edge of the table smacked Taako upside the head, and sent him tumbling to the ground.

The next few minutes were kind of a blur. The halfling was quickly escorted away by some guards, trying to keep the festival as friendly as possible to the customers. Kravitz quickly helped Taako to his feet, but was quickly surrounded by many strangers coming to see if they were ok, much to their mutual chagrin. A young woman in scarlet came by with warm mugs, ice packs, and wet towels, complimentary from the establishment to try to get them back on their feet. They moved seats, as their current ones were now covered in flat beers and sauces, but Taako couldn’t quite track exactly were they had gone. 

Which brought them to the now, where everything was feeling just...off. They were sitting in a nice booth, with a spread of complimentary snacks and a good view of Raven Starshadow, one of the major musical acts of all Faerun, and _no idea_ what to say next.

Taako put a hand up to his temple, feeling a warm liquid dripping down it. He wasn’t sure if he was more or less concerned to find that it was goopy and yellow, or with the consistency of an ooze coming down his face. He smelled it. It reminded him of something.

Something _zesty._

As embarrassing as being hit by a drinking walker was, it was more embarrassing that it happened when it did. As he was nursing what looked like was going to be a bump on his head, his mind was reeling from more than just a possible concussion.

Taako didn’t want to brag (well, it’s hard to brag when your mouth is full, but that hasn’t stopped him before) but he did have a way with the gentleman.  But for the life of him, he couldn’t remember when he had this much trouble figuring out what he should be doing _next_! Kravitz was keeping an eye on him, but also trying to get some of the mess of his own clothing, leaving Taako a moment to ponder what move he should make. It was so _infuriating_.

What. The ever living. Hell. Was _wrong_ with him?

What seemed like a lifetime ago, he was seriously considering just leaving, and now he was trying to figure out how to stay. It was making his head hurt. And not just from the impact.

But then he looked over at Kravitz, who at a casual glance was very interested in the music, but as Taako watched, every, say, 3 minutes, Kravitz was looking over to see what Taako was doing. But, If Kravitz caught Taako’s eyes, he quickly looked forward.

Yeah.  They were _smooth_.

So here went nothing.

“So, I believe there was a mention of you making the theater up to me” said Taako, placing the ice pack on the table, and wiping the last of the zesty yellow cheese from his hair. “Why don’t we try a third location?”

“Are you really sure you want to?” asked Kravitz, grimacing slightly. Taako fished the pile of brochures from earlier and placed them on the table with a thud.

“Look,” said Taako, leaning forward and flipping through the papers. “Neither of us are really on what I’d call our ‘A’ game tonight, unless your whole game involves bribing random people to dump garbage on your date.”

“No,” said Kravitz, tucking his dark hair behind his ears. “I can’t say that is.”

“Good, that move is awful. Do not add it to your game. But I’m not quite ready to give up on tonight, and I’d love to end this on a different note than spilled beer and awkward glances. And, as much as I wouldn’t mind taking this whole thing something more private, I kind of want to work whatever Murphy’s law bullshit we are courting out before things could get really dangerous.”

Taako steadfastly ignored choked laugh that Kravitz tried to swallow, and continued to look through the papers. Without any more discussion, Kravitz grabbed some of the papers of the bottom of the pile, and started to look through the offerings there, before finding one that stood out.

“Taako,” said Kravitz, holding one flyer up, looking curious. “You had a cooking show, right? Would you like to see one that’s going around now?”

“You know,” said Taako, putting the rest of the papers down, and smiling warmly at Kravitz. “That sounds very nice. It would be great to see what the new blood is bringing to the game.”

“Well, if we go now, we should be able to catch one at this caravan. It’s the last show for the night,” said Kravitz, looking closely at the information at the bottom of the flyer. He then stood up, and offered Taako a hand up. “It’s not too far away either.”

“Here,” said Taako, standing to join Kravitz. “Let me take a look. Maybe I’ve heard of the chef?”

“They’re not named, but the name of the show is on there,” said Kravitz, handing the paper over. “It’s called ‘Sizzle!’”

Taako stopped in his tracks, his hand open, the paper ungrasped.

“It’s called. What?”

“…’Sizzle!’”

“And you say the chef isn’t named?” 

“No,” said Kravitz, his brow knitting together, looking back at the paper. “It just says, ‘see the Masked Marvel Chef!’ No name. Is there something wrong?”

Taako said nothing. His vision darkened at the sides, waves of anger crashing into him. Could it be? Could he really be touring? Under that name? _Really?_

“Taako?”

Taako blinked, and came back to himself a little, at Kravitz’s concerned tone. He felt his face break out in a wide, manic smile. Taako knew his eyes were too wide, and he was breathing a little too heavy, but it was too late to calm down.

“No,” said Taako, walking forward with a forceful step, more quickly than one would think for the size of his stride. “Nothing wrong. Come on. You won’t want to miss this show.”


	5. Things Get TENTS (or DO YOU LIKE PUNS YET?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Kravitz go see the Masked Chef perform! But there's something happening in behind the scenes. Fights! Fire! and a THUNDER LIZARD!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. There was a product launch at work, a new job, and illness, a pet death, and like, a million other things. it's been a trip.
> 
> but? the next chapter is like...actually written and is coming up like...in 20 minutes. Yes, I might be trying to get this up before the podcast finishes. 
> 
> Thanks to EVERY SINGLE WONDERFUL AMAZING PERSON WHO COMMENTED! you were a god damn miracle and a joy, and you made each and every day that they came!

There’s an energy that is raised in a tent that is unlike anything outside of a church in summertime; filled with the expectation of a performance that will bring a revelation of some kind.  A murmur of something half heard would whisper through the audience, bringing with it a special kind of silence that heightened the anticipation of the crowd.  Through the crowd, you could see patches of people dressed in matching outfits, obviously dressing in fannish devotion to the upcoming performance.  They whispered, high, excited and frantic, as dancing lights floated through the tent, alighting on flat surfaces, just making the whole space feel a little more unworldly.

It was almost like a temple, really.  And these people were here to worship.

This fact was not calming Taako down at all.  

Which would have probably worrying Kravitz more if he hadn’t just sensed something shifting, subtly, in the background of his perception.

He looked around, but nothing had changed.  The lights were still floating, Taako was still fuming, but something was slightly… _off._

 __What the hell was going _on_.

~~~ fifteen minutes earlier ~~~

"Oh my GOD that was my _fourth best_ baking sheet that _crETin_ has used as an advertising WIND _CHIME._ i am going to be _SICk_ if i don't just ex _plODE_ "

Kravitz turned the corner, and almost fell stopping himself before he ran into a suddenly stopped Taako, who was standing and fuming in the middle of the festival road.  Taako's hands were grasping in front of him, arcane energy crackling from his fingertips, as his eyes darted back and forth, looking for the his next move, before settling back on the post and glaring.  

"Taako..."  said Kravitz, a little out of breath from jogging to keep up.  Taako had started walking progressively faster as he turned down the fair's rows to get to the cooking show, until even though from a casual glance it didn't look he was doing much more than brisk walk, Taako was seriously booking it.  It wasn’t so much that Kravitz had been running, but there was a lot going on.

Taako, for his part, didn’t even glance over.  He was all consumed by his glaring at the signpost. Kravitz looked up at the post and down at Taako.  The sign, while mounted on what could very well be a baking sheet, didn’t look very distinctive.  It really just looked like discarded piece of metal.  Kravitz took a careful step forward.

“…how do you know that’s yours?” continued Kravitz, bracing himself for what he was sure was what going to be very, very loud answer.  He wasn’t so much wincing in anticipation of a sentence that eventually would make…well…actually might never really make sense, but would come around to vaguely somewhat conversational after Taako talked himself through a few more waterfalls of adjectives, as he was keeping an eye out to minimize collateral damage.  Because through _fording_ that sentence, maybe some sense could be found, and that couldn’t be done while dodging passersby.

But instead, he was met with silence.

Kravitz looked back to see Taako with his head tilted all the way back, taking in the sky with tense, closed eyes.  His face was tied in knots, and he was taking in long, steady breaths, letting them hiss out from between his teeth.  His fingers, still clawed in anticipation of some imagined violence, were starting to wiggle and hang by his side.

“Taako?” Kravitz asked again, closing the gap.  Taako opened his eyes, still staring at the sky, but looking so very, very tired.

"It should have an engraving on the back," said Taako, rolling his eyes up and away, distant and hollow, shaking some dusty memories from his head. He rubbed his arms as if the warm summer air was giving him a chill." 'We'll knock’em dead next time. S.’ In the middle on the back.  It was a nice gesture, but it ruined the heat distribution. We mostly kept it around because…well…we weren’t doing _great._ Burnt cookies are still cookies.”

Kravitz opened his mouth to ask more questions, but closed it as he watched Taako worry on his bottom lip, lost in thought.  The elf had really taken a 180 in the last few moments, from loud and furious to withdrawn and pensive.  Kravitz didn't have what one would call the _largest_ repository of Taako emotional information cues, but he was nearly certain that the latter wasn't common.

Absentmindedly, he flicked his wrist and pulled the sign off the wall with Mage Hand, floating it over without climbing all over the signpost was for people that weren't currently in the middle of the delicate tango of emotional discovery this date was turning into. Or people without cantrips, those sorry souls. He scanned the back of the baking sheet/sign and furrowed his brow.

"Uh, Taako?" he said, grabbing the pan with his physical hands, and walking it over. "There's nothing on the back of this."

"What?" said Taako, an ember of fire catching in his voice as he snatched the hunk of metal away from Kravitz.  He scanned the back of the sign, looking for some scratch, some indication of writing. He rubbed the back of the pan and pursed his lips.

"That's...strange,"  said Taako, flipped the sign over.  The words "Cooking!  And Wonder!  SIZZLE on down this way!" were painted across the front, with tubes on metal hanging from the bottom, tied to the pan with heave string, attached at holes poked through the metal.  Taako pointed at a gouge in the front in the shape of a crescent, just beneath an _artistic_ arrow, tracing the imperfection.

"See, this is where it got ran over on our way to the underdark, and we retired it,"  Taako said, flipping it back to the unmarked side.  He picked at the back, as if trying to peel back the metal to find the inscription.  "But even if he pounded out the engraving, it should have left something..."

"Taako,"  said Kravitz,  placing his hand carefully on the other man's wrist.  Taako looked up at Kravitz in surprise, as if he forgot where he was.  "I have no idea what or who you're talking about. Do you know the person we are going to see?”

Taako blinked a couple of times, and looked back down at Kravitz’s hand.  Without a word, he dropped the sign to the ground.

“I must be mistaken,” said Taako, gently pulling his hand away, and gesturing towards the show.  He was smiling a little too forcefully, his eyes slightly wild and overbought.  “But, you know.  Just in case, why don’t we go see what the fuss is about.”

“Taako, I’m not an idiot,” said Kravitz, pushing the sign to the side of the path.  “You don’t need to tell me the whole story, but you don’t have to _obviously lie._ ”

“I thought you already knew,” said Taako, eyes twinkling with a note of confusion in the normal mocking glance he usually would cast back.  He did slow down enough for Kravitz to catch up for them to walk next to each other to the next location.  “Didn’t your little…death book, or whatever, give you the deets?”

“It doesn’t ‘give me the deets,’” said Kravitz, rolling his eyes hard enough to hurt Taako’s eyes.  “Honestly.  My ledger only gives me numbers, not details.  Otherwise I wouldn’t have to ask you how you died all those times, I would know, and it wouldn’t have been like, a thing.”

“…a thing?”  said Taako,“You know,”  said Kravitz, waving his hand in a circle.  “When I came to talk with you on the moon.”

“Oh yeah.  That excuse to talk with me again.  Fair point.”

“You know, I didn’t come up to ask you about Refuge as an excuse to talk with you,” said Kravitz.  Taako looked at him with raised eyebrows.  “I mean, seeing you was _nice_ , but it was a legitimate issue.”

“Fair enough,”  said Taako.  He reached over and hesitantly grabbed Kravitz’s arm, patting his arm.  He’s still dragging them along, but his eyes are lost in thought, navigating by the subconscious rather than sight.  “Well, Refuge actually got me thinking of my days back on the road as a chef.  You remember that I used to have a chef show?”

“Yes, Taako,”  said Kravitz, narrowly dodging a vendor. He was fully lost at this point, so was glad that he had a hand on his companion.

“So, I left the show under…suspect terms,”  said Taako, resolutely _not_ looking at Kravitz.  “There was what I had thought was a magical mix up, and a bunch of people were poisoned.  Me and my assistant fled, and then my assistant abandoned me at the next opportunity.”

“You _thought_ it was a mix up?”“Yes,” said Taako, still looking forward, his face very still. “I discovered from a very magical cup that broke space and time that my assistant had slipped poison in the dish, and let me think it was my fault.  Motives unclear.  Ask again later.”

“Oh, _gods_ …” said Kravitz, feeling his already cold cheeks go pale with shock.  "And you think this new chef is the same assistant?" 

"Let's just say," said Taako, as they rounded the corner, and he tightened his grip on Kravitz's arm, his face settling into a rictus grin of forced pleasantry.  "Some clues are adding up. We're here."

Like stage magician pulling a scarf from her sleeve, the chef's performance tent leapt into view as Kravitz and Taako cleared the last line of vendors before the performance area.   Kravitz felt the prick of nails as Taako took in the whole of the display in front of them.  A small covered wagon was rolled to the side of a large tent door, with large, floating glowing letters above it showing "SIZZLE!"

Painted on the wagon in paler letters was a more understated sign stating the times of the show and the price of tickets.  Kravitz saw they were just in time to catch the pre-show for the last show of the evening.

Taako was muttering something under his breath.

"Are you _sure_ you want to go see this?" said Kravitz, flexing his arm a little, as Taako's grip was starting to cut off circulation.  Sure, he could phase through matter, but pins and needles was still _irritating_.  "We could just wait until the whole thing is over, and confront your former assistant afterwards."

"No,"  Taako hissed quietly, grinding his teeth around every word, the sound coming out of his mouth sounding just as painful to hear as Kravitz imagined it was to make.  "Sazed is too tricky for that.  And even though he's GUTTED our old WAGON and _used_ it to sell _tickETS_..."

Taako's faced flushed a bright red as he shook with anger.  Kravitz made a small sound of discomfort as his arm was jerked into an even tighter grip, and while it wasn't very loud, that noise was enough to give Taako pause. He glanced up, took one look at the expression on Kravitz's face, and in that long moment, stopped.  He took a deep breath, and let it out through his nose, and straightened his spine, flexing his hands to loosen his grip on Kravitz's arm.  

“Sorry,” Taako said, patting Kravitz’s arm awkwardly.  Taako began to walk towards the tent again, trying to look less murderous and more star struck.  He wasn’t really pulling it off. “What I was saying is, while I’m sure Sazed is involved, I’m not sure if he’s onstage, backstage, or just funding the whole thing.  And the posters for this whole mess aren’t helping my investigation.”

“The mask,”  said Kravitz, gesturing towards the sheets that were pinned to the tent sides.  They were covered in paintings of a man (or maybe would be better described as person? chef, in any case) who was in various poses, dynamically chopping, frying, and serving foods.  The chef was wearing all manner of flashy outfits, but in every picture, there was a mask that covered the chef’s entire face.  Even in one drawing from behind, where the flames of the stove were licking up the chef’s arms, the chef’s face was still turned towards the viewer, any covered features darkened as to hide what they really looked like.

“Yes, the mask,”  said Taako, scowling.  The two men arrived at the wagon, and a portly man with a sequined vest that looked about 10 sizes too small sat in the window, looking less than thrilled to be there.  Taako’s nostrils flared as he harshly breathed in, but before he could say anything, Kravitz interrupted.

“Two tickets for the show, please,”  he said, smiling warmly, gently nudging Taako into perhaps glaring fewer daggers.

“That’ll be 50 gp,”  said the man, scratching his chin with what looked like it might once have been a wooden spoon.

“What?”  said Taako, looking up from obviously familiar vest and spoon with a start.  “We could buy a horse with that.  It would be a shitty horse, but…

”“no one can put a price on this kind of entertainment,” said the man, with no change in inflection.  He scratched his chin a couple more times and looked down.  “But seriously, pay up or ship out.  Mister Sizzle ain’t got time for the cheap seats.”

“Here you go,” said Kravitz, handing over some coin and quickly pushing Taako off before this encounter turned deadly.  Taako was still sputtering up a reply as Kravitz pulled him into the tent.

“enjoy the spectacle of spatula.” said the ticket seller, leaning back, really digging into some under grime with a lazy practice.  His gaze waver from the now empty ticket line, even as he methodically removed layers of fair dirt from his neck with each lazy scratch.  He barely blinked when there was a light knock at the back of the wagon, and a halting’s face poked through a door.

“Hey, Mack,”  said a halfling, dressing in a spangled jester outfit, with a hat too large slipping down his face.  “The boss is ready to go.  How’s the house look?”

The ticket seller looked down at the seat count.  Almost half full.  Not as good as the last couple shows. 

Disappointing.

“We’re losing numbers,”  he said, flicking dirt onto the ground. “I think Jerry was right.  I think we need to make our move after the show tonight.”

“Yeah, that’s what the boss thought you’d say,” said the halfling. “We’ve got people in position, and the boss said if you thought we were losing ground, and you didn’t see any major problems, we should strike.  You’ve been taking notes on the crowd, right?”

“I told Jerry about a couple of players who came in when we opened the tent,” said the ticket seller, grabbing a notebook, flipping through some short hand.  He handed it over to the halfling, who looked through it and nodded.  “I don’t think they’ll be much of a problem, but neutralizing those clerics is going to be job number one. The only real problems I saw were the last two guys that came in.  Obvious magic users, but they had a strange aura that made it hard to pin down what kind.  Some kind of disguise.  My best guess is one of them is from a noble house in Goldcliff or Neverwinter slumming it, and don’t want people to recognize them.”

“Huh,” said the halfling, flipping through the pages.  He snapped the notebook shut, and crossed back to the door. “I’ll let the boss know.  Get ready.  The show’s starting in 15 minutes.”

“Can’t wait,” said the ticket seller, a thick, unpleasant smile widening his face. He leaned back, looking across the courtyard, his lip lifting into a sneer. He couldn’t wait to see this crappy, smelly, sorry excuse for a fair smoldering in the dust of their horses, especially with their saddlebags heavy with loot.

Couldn’t come soon enough.

~~~ the present (and most angriest of) times ~~~

Balls of dancing lights continued to float around the tent, despite Taako's efforts to strike them down with his glare.  Kravitz was keeping more of a weather eye over the crowd, and even though they were waiting for…well…something to happen, the people watching was something else.  

But getting lost in observation was a fool’s errand. And not like that one time that Kravitz went to the plane of water to break up a bunch of necromantic mermaids (who in fact were one very large necromantic octopus with a taste for owl bears, but would settle for fucking up a very confused bounty hunter in frustration.  

actually, long story. moving on.)  

Kravitz was actually trying to take stock of the crowd, such that if the mysterious “assistant” appeared, he would have some kind of idea what the exit strategies were. Because he was _sure_ that when the mysterious figure took the stage, Taako was going to be the absolutely _picture_ of calm decorum.

Kravitz sighed.  Snarky commentary to one's own inner monologue might be a flawed coping strategy for stress, but it had never stopped him before.  

He squinted over the crowd and took stock of the evening.  He couldn't say...well...yes, he _could_ actually say it had been an awful night. There had been some bright moments.  Even though it had ended in some blunt head trauma, the kiss had been nice...

But Kravitz was noticing that even in his "cheery" recollection of it, he was couching it in terms of the blunt head trauma.  He wasn't sure if that was endearing or pathetic.

It was tipping towards pathetic, if he was being honest with himself.  Which he was desperately trying not be.

And there was still that buzzing in the back of his head.  He looked around at the masses of...well...i guess he'd call them "fans" but they seemed a diverse group of people in various stages of attentiveness.  Some, like him, were casting their eyes about the tent, wondering why they were here, and some were watching the stage and the floating lights with a reverent glow that made Kravitz more than a little uncomfortable. 

Kravitz supposed he was sitting next to the only person who was seething with anger, but there were a couple individuals that seemed tense with anticipation.  Maybe some kind of security?  They weren't dressed in any kind of uniform, but they were standing in vaguely the same way, guarded and watching, keeping a broad view over the crowd.  One of them almost caught his eye, and quickly looked away.

Huh.  Strange.  

“Taako,” said Kravitz, mostly nonchalantly tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “Is it normal for there to be this much security at one of these…cooking demonstrations?”

“What?”  said Taako, breaking the death glare he had focused on the stage.  He looked around, irritation and confusion melting into a calmer calculation.  “huh.  Well, We always wanted more muscle in the crowd, but this does seem a little extreme.  I mean, I’m not sure what’s happened in crowds in the last ten years, but…”

Before Taako could say anything else, there was a rustling on the other side of the heavy curtain.  With no fanfare, a young half elf festooned with garlic with a bandoleer of other vegetables was shoved onto the stage.  In one hand, she held a crumpled piece of paper, and in the other, she held a handful of…cabbage? It was hard to get a good eye on them, as the girl was shaking so badly with what seemed to be nerves to focus.  The crowd hushed, but did not fall completely silent as the girl began to speak.

"W...w....welcome to the Tent of Tastetation!  The show will start in 10 m..m...minutes. Be sure to get a..a..any refreshments y..y..you would like before the show st..st..starts, as the Tent requests that for the s...s...safety of the crowd and the Chef, once the food s..s..starts a cooking, everyone should stay in their s..s..seats.  W…w…while you wait, please enjoy the comedic stylings of the S…S…Slicing Sous Chefs and their a…a…assistant Garlic Gal!”

“THANKS GARLIC GAL!” boomed two voices in chorus from either sides of the stage, causing the half-elf to visibly jump, and drop the paper on the ground.  Two brightly dressed dwarves walked out, tossing knives in the air, with big smiles plastered on their faces.  “Feel free to keep moving around the tent, kind viewers, if you can _tear your eyes away_!”

As the crowd watched is hushed terror, the dwarves tossed knives on either side of the terrified half elf, her trembling as consistent as their cheering shouts, desperately trying to keep the energy of the crowd up.  After a couple of rounds, the Gal held up the cabbage in front of her, trembling in her open palm.  As the dwarf’s juggling knives grew closer, her skin grew more and more pale, until it was a clear she couldn’t take it anymore, and she ran off stage with a screech, tossing the cabbage up into the air.

To the dwarves credit, the cabbage was completely shredded by the time any of it hit the floor, but it seemed without their vegetable source, their act was done.  Taako turned to Kravitz and shrugged.

“Hold tight here for a minute,” said Kravitz, making an elaborate show of stretching, as the crowd's murmuring grew louder again.  “I’m going to check some exits.  I’ll be right back.”  

"Good idea,"  said Taako, gently touching Kravitz’s hand is an oddly tender way, before he pulled back, and went back to scanning the crowd.  He was still in high alert for the masked chef, but now Taako also was spreading his attention to the larger crowd.  "I'll try to keep a low profile out here. I doubt there will be much more action on the stage, but who knows?  they might be able to drag that poor girl back for an encore.“  

Kravitz smiled as he walked away, stretching his long legs as he loped to the back of the tent. He walked past a couple of guards, and resisted the urge to check out the gear of the guards.  It wouldn’t be of any help if things went south to get the kind of information he was looking for if the guards were alerted to the fact he was _looking_ for that information.

And if he wasn’t just being super paranoid, it would be super rude to look like he was checking out another guy when he was on a date.  He might not have a lot of shame, being separated from the living world at all, but he had _some_ sense of decorum.  

Kravitz entered the back vestibule of the tent, where a few groups of people lingered outside of the main space.  A family was hushing a crying child before they returned to the show, a couple was having a serious discussion with angry gestures, but laughing eyes.  A few more guests browsed a table of merchandise, exchanging their coins for trinkets commemorating the show.  There was even a nut vendor, doing brisk business with various people as they got a snack to take back to their seats.  Two door flaps led into the main event, but there was only the entrance as the obvious way back outside.  Kravitz bent over to look at some of the merchandise at the table to see if there were any other slits in the tent that looked promising, when he heard someone at his elbow clear their throat slightly.  

“Leonard?” said a small child in a quiet but insistent voice, also looking over the table, browsing the wares.  Kravitz felt his already cold blood run colder.  Leonard was one of the name he used when he was in the area on business, getting information.  But with his disguise bracelet, no one should be able to recognize him.  Especially not a small child that to Kravitz’s quick inspection, did not seem to have any special magical talent. 

“I think you are mistaken, child,” said Kravitz, his tone light.  He selected something cloth off the table, and handed the attendant the money, and turned to leave.  “Excuse me.”

“I must have been,” said the child, following Kravitz away from the tent, not raising his voice but still obviously confident that he would be heard.  “But it’s not often you see someone out on the town with a battle wagon winner.  Talk about star struck!”

Kravitz stopped and glanced around the room.  No one was looking over at the two of them, a tall dark man and a small child talking in hushed voices, but this could change at any moment.  Because there was _nothing_ suspicious about that. Kravitz took a step back so the both of them were in the small hallway of cloth between the main tent and the vestibule.

“I’m not sure we’ve met?” said Kravitz, looking down and smiling, trying to look more relaxed than he felt, wired at any moment for the worst to be unleashed.  The child kept a look of absolute innocence and wonderment on his face.  

The asshole.  

“Oh, we haven’t,”  said the child, reaching into his jacket carefully, well aware that at any moment this whole situation could so _very_ south.  He pulled out a folded note with an elaborate seal on it.    He offered it up to Kravitz with a raised eyebrow.  “The spymaster sends her regards.”

Kravitz took the note gingerly, recognizing the seal from some of his workings in the area.  Any bounty hunter needed to know the location and signatures of various intelligence networks, and this one was one Kravitz had crossed paths with before.  He flipped the note to see if there were any other markings, but nothing else gave a clue to its origin.

“Thank…” Kravitz began, until he realized the child was gone, disappeared without a sound.  He felt his lip curl.  

Seriously.  What an asshole.

Rolling his eyes, he open the note and read.  As he read, he felt his stomach drop.

“Leonard, which I am sure is not your real name, I’m writing to warn you there is something fishy going down, possibly today. I think it may be centered around the Masked Chef’s show, but have not been able to insert an agent in their ranks. Usually, I wouldn’t impose on your privacy, but I couldn’t help but notice that your disguise magic had been compromised by whatever has permeated the grounds when you were listening to the bard with the battle wagon racer.  I neither know nor care what your business is here, but knowing some of your previous visits to our region, I thought it kind to let you know of the opening in your defenses.  I have pulled my agents out of the area, and I recommend you leave as soon as you can.  Please remember my kindness when you return. Spymaster Lily.”

Kravitz looked down at his wrist, scanning his charm for a sign of its functionality.  Then he saw it.  A small, hairline crack, right along the edge, where something (or, he mused, someone) had forced the enchantment out of the bracelet in a focused burst of energy.  Only in examining it very closely could he see the signature of the spell, as it was untargeted and very subtle, but once he got a look at it, he could see evidence of it everywhere.    
   
Someone with a lot of time on their hands had crafted something incredibly clever, but very narrowly applicable, and had woven it into the sand of the pathways beneath the fair.  Kravitz would not be surprised if it spread all over the fairgrounds, ready to snag the unsuspecting.  It wasn't powerful enough to take down a truly serious disguise spell, but then, if it was, everyone would have noticed it.  It just pushed against any passive concealment, overloading it until it failed under its own power.  Nothing in there to alert anyone the spell had worked, just a mild scrubbing down of people's defenses, a secret leveling of a playing field that one side didn't even know they were on.

Shit!  That _Taako_ didn't even know he was on!

Kravitz tried to calmly walk back into the tent, not alerting the milling guards to his mounting panic. He counted no fewer than three pairs of eyes follow him to his aisle. For a good _solid_ moment, he considered how much easier it would be to just…let loose with some destructive magics and make whatever apologies he had to afterwards. But no. Too many things weren’t adding up. 

This might actually be dangerous, rather than massively inconvenient. And that was making the back of his eyes ache something fierce. 

Kravitz was fairly sure he looked mostly natural (well, as natural as an undead reaper on a date with a moon dwelling elf who was likely currently going over an elaborate revenge fantasy in his dreamy sparkling amethyst eyes can be) as he slipped in beside Taako. He kept his eyes forward as he drummed he fingers lightly on Taako’s arm, trying to not show his mounting panic through his fingertips. Taako looked over to him with a look on his face that showed that Kravis was not completely successful.

“What’s up, my dude?” said Taako, placing his cross hand on Kravitz’s, while still keeping one eye on the stage. Kravitz tried to smile normally, but could tell from Taako’s expression, he failed to keep it completely natural.

“Someone has set this entire fair up as a trap for something,” said Kravitz, holding up the broken braclet, but keeping a large smile on his face. “I don’t know for who or for what, but someone or something is hunting here, and has destroyed our disguises in the fallout. I think we need to get out of here.”

Taakos eyes widened, and in a long moment, he looked down at his wrist, around the room, and then up at Kravitz’s face, seeing something that hardened his resolve.  
“Well, we’re going to have to move fast, the show is abo-“Taako was interrupted mid-sentence, as the lights in the tent suddenly extinguished, dropping the lot of them into darkness.  Before the crowd could work up a good scream, a voice came from all around."Who out there is _ready_ to _SIZZLE?_ "

The lights in the tent flared, whiting out Kravitz’s vision, and by the sound’s of hissing curses from his side, Taako’s as well. Kravitz reached out in the brightness for Taako, to find Taako reaching for him. Their hands locked together as they sat, primed for their next move, light blinded as now defend by a rolling drum coming from the front of the tent. The air crackled, like popcorn in a glitter-storm, as details faded back into sight. 

Center stage, haloed in bright fucsha was the titular “Masked Chef”, posing confidently with two cleavers, flexing his glistening muscles as if the knives were the size of bastard swords, one knee up on a carving block, a white apron tied in front and a black tied behind, trailing behind him like a mighty cape. Kravitz blinked a couple of times, and darted his eyes back and forth, keeping his head towards the main show. There were now twice the number of “ushers” around the sides of the tent as there were before the show started. One of them was looking straight at the two of them, so he faked a giggle and leaned over to Taako.

“Looks like we missed our window,” said Kravitz, squeezing Taako’s hand, and releasing it. “And we’re being watched by the ushers. Until we know what we’re dealing with, we should play it natural, until we see an opening.”

“Sure,” said Taako, smiling a little too wide, but reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Kravitz’s ear. He squinted his eyes at the stage, and flexed his hand unconsciously. “I can do ‘natural’. Probably.”

The show on stage was, to absolutely not pardon a pun, heating up. As the chef twirled his knives, spouts of flame burst from the stovetop in front of him, but also from the wings, and in one epic burst that looped like a dragon through the air, the ceiling. With one final backflip, the chef jump through a ring of fire while his knives spun in the air. In the same beat, the chef planted both feet behind his station as his knives landed sharp side down, embedded in the cutting board. The chef raised his hands, and the crowded erupted into cheers as Taako winced, likely imagining how much damage that little “trick” did to the knives.

“Welcome to the best cooking show you’ll ever see!” said the chef, with what Kravitz assumed was a sly grin behind that mask. Kravitz would have expected the chef’s voice to be muffled, but his voice was coming through clear as a bell. However, it wasn’t loud enough to cover the sound of Taako’s teeth grinding. 

“I know a lot of you have been wondering how I was going to top my last 4 shows here in Goldcliff,” continued the chef, striding around the stage, pulling ingredients from nooks and crannies built into the stage. “But I promise you, this is not only going to be the best food you ever eat, I promise you will never eat anything after this that will compare to the buttery, the savory, the down right unforgettable taste of what we are whipping up here tonight.”

“But, like many of our culinary creations, this one takes a good long while to get the cook _just right,_ so while I’m going to run you through all the fanTAStic methods of creation, I want to whet both your tastebuds _and_ your curiosity, welcome out the Taste Temptresses!”

Four women walked out of the wings and stood front of stage, dressed in skimpy outfits and festooned with wreaths of garlic bulbs, large platters of steaming food held out in front of them, the same wide seductive smile on each face. The platters were covered in what looked like shredded chicken, covered in cloves of garlic and some kind of dark black berry sprinkled liberally over them. Taako’s breath hissed, and his hand slapped down on Kravitz’s leg, grabbing hard enough to feel each individual crescent of fingernail digging into his thigh.

“Don’t be shy!” boomed the chef, stepping out to the center edge of the stage. “This is a taste that will stick with you for the rest of your life. I present to you, _Thirty Garlic Clove CHICKEN!_ ”

“STOP!” yelled Taako, as if the words were ripped from him by the chef’s beckoning hands. Before Kravitz, the audience, or the ushers could react, Taako was storming towards the stage, floating above the seats and energy crackling from the end of the Umbrastaff to his hands and back. A non-present wind whipped around him, blowing his hair and his cloak back, framing his rage filled face as he paused and drew himself up to his full height. As Taako pointed the staff at the stage, the chef began to float as well, and he continued. “Drop the chicken, you monster. This won’t be another Glamour Springs. Not on my watch.”

If Taako had anything else to say after that, it was lost to the absolute and total chaos that erupted in the tent. Every audience member tried to run out at the same time that every usher tried to run in, creating the effect of a turkey shot out of a cannon: a fucking mess. It was impossible for the ushers to get to the stage with person after person pushing their way out. Taako was unburdened by the waves under him, and he floated towards the chef, getting just out of reach before defending to the floor. Kravitz was used to moving in this kind of chaos (believe it or not, people don’t _really_ like seeing the grim reaper), and managed to hold his ground as the crowd moved around him. Soon, it was just Taako, Kravitz, the Chef, and 4 very confused Temptresses, their food trays spilled all along the floor.

Kravitz sighed. Between Taako’s…dramatics, the bracelets, the spymaster, and the theatre he guessed the time for subtle was long past.

Besides. Who said Taako got to have all the fun?

Cracking his neck to the side, and stretching his arms out, Kravitz felt his familiar cloak fall over his arms and his feet leave the ground. He extended his hand and opened his fingers and his scythe was there when they closed. He felt the flesh on his face blow away like so much smoke, a gleaming skull with sharp dangerous teeth left in its wake.

“Ladies?” he said, congratulating himself on not chuckling as the women looked at him and turned the same color as his bones. “You should be running.”

In a flash, the three of them were alone in the tent, but if Kravitz’s suspicions were correct, they wouldn’t be for long. As he hurried to the front, letting his face reform, and muttering a barrier spell under his breath. Once he made it to Taako’s furious side, there was a protective bubble around the three of them: Kravitz, becloaked and confused, Taako, furious and itching for a fight, and the chef, still floating 10 feet in the air, scrambling and babbling to quickly to be understood and spinning in a circle.

“Taako,” said Kravitz quietly, looking through the barrier to see if the ushers had found their way in yet. “I’m sorry to say, you can’t do natural.”

“Well, neither can you,” whispered Taako, keeping his eyes on the chef. “But this guy was going to poison everybody, I’m sure of it. So, let’s get him down here and get his confession, and we can be done with this mess.”

“Poison?” said Kravitz, looking at the chef in shock. “Why would be do that?”

“It’s his MO,” said Taako through gritted teeth. “You heard him. ’It will stick with you the rest of your life.’ ‘You will never eat anything that will compare.’ I thought when he did it before it was a one off, but maybe it was worse than I thought.”

With no ceremony, Taako let the chef drop. Taako was on top of him, both hands grabbing his collar before the chef could get up, pulling the mask close to his yelling face.

“Why were you going to do it, huh? I know why you did before. You wanted me out of the act, get the spotlight for yourself? But those people did nothing to you? Why did they have to die, huh? WHY?”

“What are you _talking_ about?” said the chef, heels scrambling in the dirt, head shaking back and forth. “And who _are_ you?”

“Don’t give me that _shit._ You know exactly who I am, you _ass,_ ” hissed Taako, reaching into his pocket and pushing a salt shaker at Kravitz, who took it gingerly. “Check it. Use this. If you sprinkle it over the chicken, and there is poison in it, it will turn pink.”

“Guy, I didn’t poison anything!” said the chef, looking over at Kravitz, who reluctantly shook the salt over the meat in the dirt.

Nothing happened.

“Uh, Taako?”

“WHAT!” yelled Taako, looking over. He saw the salt shaker white as when it started, he dropped the chef, bouncing his head in the dirt. In one movement, he grabbed a piece of chicken and put it in his mouth. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and swallowed.

“Shit,” said Taako, closing his eyes and holding his head in his hand, as if his whole personality was being balled up shoved into his palm, his rage shuddering into regret and embarrassment with each heartbeat. Kravitz stood awkwardly, keeping an eye on both the chef in the dirt and the entrances to the tent. Large men with dangerous looking weapons had started to enter, pointing at the barrier running towards it. 

“What’s wrong?” said Kravitz, pushing the edges of the barrier back a little, and darkening the walls so the men outside couldn’t see what was happening. That would buy them a little time, but they needed to get moving.

“It’s delicious,” said Taako, throwing the remains of his bite on to the ground. “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“Did you say Taako? Like, from TV?” asked the chef, sitting up from the dirt, pushing his mask up to his forehead. Under the mask, the chef was just a kid with brown hair and matching eyes. Taako looked back with sharp eyes.

“Yes. How do you know that?”

“Well, the boss bought your gear about 8 years back from an auction and put together this show,” said the chef, pointing up at the stage. “After you disappeared, the boss found there was a real hole in the culinary tours, so he rebranded as the Masked Chef, because somebody might be a good chef, but no one wants to watch Sizzle it up with Tom, Dick or Greg. That’s me. I’m Greg.”

“Oh,” said Taako, looking around, lip curling a little. Looking back at Greg, he smoothed his expression out, and gave him a charming smile. “So, no one from the original show is still around?”

“Not that I know of,” said Greg, standing up and dusting off his pants. “But honestly, I’ve only been around for the last year. They cycle through chefs pretty quickly. Those fire tricks aren’t something to laugh at! They went through 3 chefs on the blasted plains _alone._ ”

“I can imagine,” said Kravitz. He gestured towards the amassing crowd while Greg was looking around the barrier, trying to find an exit. “Well, sorry for the misunderstanding, but we should go.”

“Really?” said Greg, looking slight disappointed at Taako. Kravitz guessed his Int score wasn’t super high. “I’m sure the boss would love to meet the guy who started this whole thing! He loves talking about chef stuff!”

“Well, I’m sure he’d like to meet me too, because who wouldn’t,” said Taako, stepping closer to Kravitz, making some elaborate hand gestures that Kravitz was sure he thought meant something, but really just looked like he was trying to pull a hat out of a rabbit. “But you know how it is with the public. Got to leave them wanting more.”

“Oh well,” said Greg, hopping up on the lip of the stage, watching the shimmer of the barrier above him, like a child fascinated by fireflies. “Sazed will be so mad when he hears I got to meet Taako from TV!”

“Wait,” said Taako, stopping his elaborate hand spinning just short of Kravitz’s chin. “Did you say Sazed? Your boss’s name is Sazed?”

“Yeah!”

“About this tall, scar right here shaped like a crescent, black hair, bad breath?” asked Taako, gesturing and rattling off descriptors lighting fast. 

“Yeah! Do you know him?”

“You could say that,” said Taako, grabbing Greg by the hand hard enough to make him wince, and pushing him back towards Kravitz, a wild look in his eye. “Change of plans, babe. Looks like we are dealing with a revisionist historian here, and I think our new friend can take us to just the man to clear things up. I think it’s time we go see the man behind the curtain.”

“I think our visitors may have a tiny objection to our new plans, darling,” said Kravitz, catching Greg easily with one hand, steadying him as before he tumbled into the dirt. 

“I think I know someone who can persuade them,” said Taako, cracking his neck from side to side, as the large men started to pound on the barrier, blow by methodical blow. Kravitz pushed Greg behind him, and braced for impact.

“You think this chef has that much sway?” said Kravitz, holding his scythe low, ready for action. “No offense, Greg.”

“None taken,” said Greg, peeking out from behind Kravitz at the attacking men, looking nervous at the violence. “I’m not sure who those guys are. They don’t look like our usual crew.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I wasn’t talking about him,” said Taako, his voice deepening. Kravitz glanced over to see Taako’s form morphing with a cry into some kind of lizard, and then growing larger, and larger, until it broke through the barrier, and stomped on three on the incoming guards. Greg’s face was locked in a silent scream as he cowered at Kravitz’s feet, as there was now a thirty foot tall T-Rex stomping through the tent.

“DUPRE WANTS CLOSURE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GETTING EDITS AND WILL BE UP IN A HALF HOUR)


	6. a SWING and an Ex! (or how to LOSE a fight in 15 oz!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this, the final chapter, there is Mystery! fighting! An unconventional use of an Umbra Staff! Cockney rhyming slang!
> 
> and at least one time that I used the wrong word for a thing (i bet you can find it before I do!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok!
> 
> This is the final version!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your patience (and for those of you who saw the rough draft...well, you've seen something into my process? yes. even more puns and wise cracks slip in! I have NO SHAME.)
> 
> I really do appreciate every single person who took the time to comment. Special shout out to @mildlydiscouraging for just being a constant reader. Honestly, I think you got me to finish this monster. Even when it turned into MORE THAN A BIG BANG OH MY GOD.

Sazed secured the lid to his personal chest closed, and loaded it into the light wagon, making sure it was completely covered with thick canvas. He’d hinted to his people to make sure their things were secured as well, but he wasn’t sure if they took it to heart. He circled to the front to check on the young pony he had hooked up to the wagon was comfortable. The stagehands joked that he was closer to the horses than he was to any bedmate, but no bedmate was going to pull his ass out of the fire if this went sideways. He trusted this troupe of bandits they had fallen in with about as far as he could throw them, and if there was one thing he had learned from his time on the road it was to keep your exits clear.

Sizzle! usually didn’t run with this big of a fair, to be honest. It made it hard to watch your back when there are a hundred potential knives floating around ready to sink themselves into you.

Made the hidden blade on his own wrist itch just to _think_ about it.

But you lose a couple of chefs in terrifying fires and you have to lay low until people regained some confidence. Neither audiences or crew members stick around when they aren’t sure if they are about to watch a family fun time or a horror show. It was in the last backwater port, where the tickets were barely enough to cover the costs of the produce, let alone any profit, that he was approached by a man with a silver smile.

_You should partner with us, he said, teeth glinting in the low light. We’ve got a big score lined up in Goldcliff, and all we need is the flash. No blood on your hands, but gold in your coffers. What you ya say?_

He shouldn’t have taken the offer. But it was down to Sazed, the fifth Masked Chef (who he would replace in the next town because of a surprise allergy to, of all things, raccoons), one spice master/tailor who was a true believer of the story that Sazed bought the show at an auction, and the horse steward who remembered what happened at Glamour Springs (who was, _tragically,_ , but also completely surprisingly to Sazed for once, trampled one night during an electrical storm on the way to Goldcliff.)

It sounded too good to be true!

Heh.

Of course it did.  That's how you sell it. So when things started on the turn, Sazed was far too familiar from being on both sides of those kinds of deals to be surprised when it wasn’t quite as easy as it sounded. 

Sure, at first, it seemed great. They played some solid shows on the way to Goldcliff, and the crowds really were getting bigger. Like, a lot bigger. Bigger than anything Sazed had seen before or after Glamour Springs. His new partners were nowhere in sight, so Sazed was able to expand the core group at the third stop with a slight bit of confidence that not _all_ of them were completely in the pocket of the bandits. He was sure his new chef was far too dumb for any guile, for one thing.

And yeah, these guys were bandits all right. They moved too silently, watched exits too closly.  But he was careful to always seem curious and innocent.

And never let them see his hidden weapons.  Oh no.

So when bunch of heavies integrated themselves into the show, under the guise of “protection” of their exploding, Sazed could smell the takeover happening. It reeked of it.

Oh, everyone was still very deferential, made sure to check with him before doing anything obvious, but he knew there was something bigger happening. All his questions were met with the same blank, pleasant face. His investigations found nooks and crannies too clean, people talking about things too mundane, just loud enough to seem “normal.” And when someone he had never met introduced himself like an old friend, and told him that they had a stall at the end of the famous Goldcliff Fireseed Festival, or however they were branding it this year, and wasn’t that just everything they’d ever dreamed of, all they'd talked about, mentioning things he hadn't told anyone not since….well, he thought he was going crazy.

The rest of the show that didn’t seem to be in on it was smiling and happy, embracing each other like family, warm and open in a way he hadn’t seen in years. There were parties, there was partnering, there was joy. None of the others saw anything wrong.

Fools.

Sazed knew what a family felt like, and this wasn’t even close. If you’re _lucky,_ you can get tricked into feeling it more than once. Or maybe you have to be truly stupid.

There ain’t no pain that compares to the pain that someone you love can do to you. Especially if they’ve been careless enough to love you back.

Sazed didn’t have that problem anymore. He knew who he was looking out for. Sure, it would hurt to lose the memories in this show, but it would hurt a whole lot more to get caught up in whatever mess of a plan was going down.

Because Sazed was fine with playing along with robbing a bunch of people. Money, blood, whatever. A few more deaths on his soul wasn’t going to lose him any sleep. But there was something big going down. Something _magical._

And if there was one thing Sazed was well aware of, it was that when it came to magic, he was outclassed, out done, and out of there.

Which is why he was out in this ramshackle barn, just around the corner from the open road, one tent away from freedom. He was going to ride into the dusk, and disappear. He'd had his fill of dealing with wizards.  He was happy if he never saw another one as long as he lived.

Which really made what came next…uh…funny? one might say? tragic?

Fitting?

Well, whatever it was it, it was dramatic.

“ABRACA. FUCK. YOU!”

Sazed has only turned partially turned around when a guard (whose name might have been Mark? Sazed had never bothered to learn any of those orc's names, since the never answered to him anyway.  They always had something very important to do when he needed anything done.  Pointedly so.) came skidding through the tent wall, narrowly missing the large wheels of the wagon, and more importantly (at least in Sazed's mind(which really is what counted)), narrowly missing him.

Sazed froze, ever hair on his spine standing straight up, as if the distinctive voice hurling spells and curses was also slowly drawing those follicles closer to the destruction's source.  

It couldn't be.  Not _him._

Sazed's mind might have taken a little break, but his muscles went into overdrive.  He was many things: a charmer, a showman, a con-artist, and a thief, but when the orcs hit the dirt and the magic started to fly, Sazed was one thing to the bone.

He was a survivor.  Whatever it took.

Quick as a wink, Sazed had shoved maybe-Mark out of the way, and was climbing under the wagon. His mind was still reeling as he hunkered under the driver’s bench, as the wave of destruction and magic burst through the thin walls of the tent and rolled over the room, covering everything in a blinding layer of violence and noise.

It was like a stampede of mayhem descended around the wagon, fighting and yelling, magic and blood crashing around the wagon like a wave hitting a rocky shore. Any thoughts of trying to escape were drowned out by the screaming of the horse at the front of the wagon, pawing at the dirt, but not running into the blinding chaos of whatever was happening around them. Sazed hunkered down, covering his head with his hands, trying to make himself as small as possible, as the thumps and screams thundered around him. Only when the chaos seemed to die down, he dared to loose a hand off from over his ear, when he heard the sound that caused a sound that struck an icy shock to his very core.

“Hey, Sazed!” said Greg poking his head under the wagon. “You’re still here, and safe! Hey Mister Taako! He’s under here!”

~~~

As many times as Taako had thought about Glamour Springs, and what he would say to Sazed if he saw him again, he wasn’t quite prepared for what he _felt_ when he saw Sazed in front of him, crawling out from under a wagon, a look of confusion and fear in his eyes.

It was a mix of anger and sadness, sure, but there was a strange peace too.  

That caught him by surprise. Was he _over_ this?  

Yeah, let's try that. Being an _adult._

Greg was saying something to his boss, but Taako couldn't make it out, and it was clear it wasn't making any impact. He met Sazed's eyes, both of them trying to suss out whether something was about to go down. 

The rush of blood that struck his ears was deafening as he looked his former partner over. The years hadn't been cruel, that was for sure.  He looked just as handsome as he hand when Taako last saw him.

Well…the second to last time he saw him.  No one looks good when they are abandoning you.

Because sure, Sazed was still attractive.  You had to be to survive in this business.  But Taako could tell there he was hiding at least one weapon, probably more.  He wasn't taking his eyes off of hims, because even with a wizard and a reaper primed for battle in the room, he still wasn't sure who was the most dangerous.  

He was being an adult, not a _rube._

Sazed patted the young chef on the arm and gently pushed him away, and gave a half nod to Kravitz.  For a split second he quirked a questioning brow to Taako, one of those looks that only people who have lived together for years can catch, with a look of vague disgust.  It said more words than the two men had exchanged in years.

'Really?' it said.  'you'd stoop to someone like _that_

'What do you mean, _that_ ' said an ear twitch, a slight tightening of an eye.

'Oh, you know,' a shadowed curl of a lip whispered. 'Just tragic all over. But really, what can I expect.'

Yeah, no.  

Nothing was _over._

Taako took one step forward, and felt a light touch on his arm, not grabbing to stop him him, but just heavy enough to be known. It broke what was likely a _full on_ murder stride, and was enough to make him look over to Kravitz, whose expression was carefully neutral.

Kravitz pulled his hand back, making it clear he wasn’t stopping Taako if that’s what he wanted to do, but just trying to give a moment of calm in the obvious storm that was quickly descending around them. Taako nodded, and smiled slightly, taking a breath before turning back to the still babbling Greg and his boss, standing an arm's length away from the edge of the wagon.

“Mister Taako and Mister Kravitz!” said Greg, waving them over with a bright smile that Sazed was faintly echoing. “Thank you so much for helping me find the Boss! He should be able to help us figure out what is going on.”

“Yeah,” said Taako. He smiled with a nasty glint over at Sazed, his teeth showing. “I’m sure the ‘Boss’ has a good idea about the mess going on. He usually has his eyes on what’s best for him.”

“Hey, I don’t have any skin in this mess,” said Sazed, scowling. “I know you are still sore about how Glamour Springs shook out, but you know we couldn’t travel together after that. Too many people died, Taako.”

“Yeah, I know Sazed,” said Taako, his voice like ice. “It’s funny how people die when they are poisoned.”

“And that’s why I say, Greg,” said Sazed, turning to Greg, nodding as if this was an old story. “Use all the magic you want around the cooking, but magic and food don’t mix.”

Faster than anyone could react, Taako closed the distance between him and Sazed, and with one fluid motion, pulled the Umbra Staff from off his back swung it like a bat at Sazed, hitting him in the square in the jaw.  Sazed flew back, hitting the ground like a sack of sand, a small fountain of spittle missed with blood spitting out of his mouth as he sprawled on the ground.

Greg stumbled away, backing up into the horse, as Taako was heaving and panting, standing above Sazed in the dirt. Silent as the grave, Kravitz slide over to him, steadying the young man, holding his sholders to both keep him from sliding under the hooves of the more and more agitated horse, and to stop him from doing  
something so obviously stupid as throwing himself in the middle of what was going to be a terribly messy couple of minutes.  His fingers gripped perhaps a fraction too tight, unsure of what he himself should do.  There were shadows moving around the make-shift stable the entertainers had set up to house their mounts, and their actions hadn't exactly hidden their presence.  

There were too many unknowns.  They should be leaving, not picking fights.

But Kravitz wasn't going to tell Taako that. It didn't take someone well versed in watching mortals at their very worst to know that something a long time coming was boiling here.  Even if he hadn't cared about Taako, he could tell this was something that the elf had to do for himself.

Also, that staff had tried to snipe him once already.  Fuck that thing.

"Hey, kid," muttered Kravitz, pulling the chef towards the cart, pushing him up into the relative safety behind the driver's seat.  "You hunker down under there, cover up with those blankets, and get ready to move.  This might turn ugly quick.  I'm going to see if I can spot a clear exit."

"You're going to just leave them like this?"  said Greg, nearly hysterical as Sazed sat up on the ground, with Taako standing 10 or so feet away, panting and glaring, fury radiating off him like a sun.  "Mister Taako is going to kill the Boss!"

"No, he won't," said Kravitz, mostly hoping he was right.  “And it won’t bother you anyway. Sleep.”

Greg dropped off in the blankets, dozing like a baby, safe in the wagon. 

Kravitz was sure he would be safe there until Taako was done handling this ‘boss.’ And it wasn’t like he was lying. Taako wasn’t going to kill him. Because he wouldn't.

_Right?_

Sazed wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes narrowed at Taako, then darted around the room, quickly sizing up his old partner.  Glancing around the room, he saw his lack of allies, and got to his feet, keeping his eyes locked on the Umbra Staff, face staying open and friendly, but eyes going stone cold.

"Strength's still your dump stat, eh Taako," he said, cricking his neck with a dangerous, easy slowness.  He began to circle Taako with a slowness that belied a harsh, sudden violence that could burst forth at any moment, like a snake hidden in a teddy-bear: deceptive but deadly.  "I would have thought running away from being a murderer would have inspired you to put a little muscle on."  
“I know about the bottle of poison, Sazed,”  said Taako, hissing his words, circling in step, Umbra Staff in front of him like a sword, shaking .  “You let me think I killed those people.  You let me think it was a _mistake_ I made."

"What are you talking about," said Sazed, his voice sing-song, his expression not changing, his eyes still cold.  "You knew you did something to that chicken, Taako.  Why else wouldn't you have eaten it?"

"No, Sazed!" said Taako, stopping the circling. Kravitz thought he saw glimmers in the corners of Taako's eyes, but he couldn't be sure with the remaining dust from the earlier fight still floating around.  Taako continued. "I saw it. You can't make me believe it was something else. Not like before."

"Where?" Sazed said, sneering. He shook something at his wrist, but kept in at the palm of his hand. Kravitz's eyes narrowed as a shiver went up his spine. There was something _wrong._ "Did you magic it up?  Convince yourself that bad old Sazed was at fault after all?"

"It doesn't matter," said Taako, half to himself, but sounding more confident with every word.  "All that matters is that you let me believe that, and then you left me alone.  It was the worst day of my life. And it up was followed by being abandoned by everyone I thought I could count on."

“That _you_ could count on? That's rich," said Sazed tilting his head, and squinting, his face twisting into a cruel smile. "You know what was the worst day of my life? When I came to someone who I _thought_ was my _brother_  and he made it clear I was the _help._ ”

“What are you talking about?” said Taako, the words striking him in surprise.  “It wasn't like that…”

“We’d traveled together for years, Taako,” said Sazed, taking step by step towards him, backing the wizard up with the venom in his voice.  “We’d been friends. Brothers. Lovers. _Family._ Not that you know that that _is._  We’d done everything together, except shared the spotlight.  But the moment I wanted to have anything that wasn’t lifting you up, you pushed me to the background, you told me your wants, your needs were more important.”

“You wanted to change the entire show in the middle of a tour!” said Taako, sounding less sure than his statement may sound.  But he stopped backing up, planting his feet and standing with purpose.  "You needed to give me a little more time..."

“If you had cared about _our family,_ you would have made _any_  sacrifice,” said Sazed. “I left my village to follow you! My whole _life_ left behind!"

"I didn't ask you to!" said Taako, dropping his staff to his side.  With each accusation Sazed yelled, Taako shrunk a little more, doubt chipping away at his fury. 

“And…and… _you_ were my family.  My _only_ family!”

“Bah!” scoffed Sazed. “You pushed me away any time I tried to get close. You can't push like that and keep pretending that you care.  And fat lot of good it did me. I turned good down jobs to stay with you!"

"I thought you said you wanted to stay with me..."

"You just kept taking and taking," said Sazed, spitting out the words. "I had to look out for myself. You weren't going to.”

“Well, that does seem to be what you are good at,”  said Kravitz, breaking into the intense conversation between the two other men, stepping in between them. 

"Sorry to break up what seems like a really _super pleasant_ reunion, but _any minute now_ we are about to have company, and I really don't want to have to protect your sorry skin.  Taako, what's the plan?"

"Oh..." said Taako, looking surprised at Kravitz being there at all.  "Yeah.  Well, I guess we should leave.  I feel kinda bad about leaving Greg in the middle of this mess though."

“Well,” muttered Kravitz. “I did put him to sleep in the wagon, so we at least have to wake him up…”

"I'll get him out of here," said Sazed, making a wide circle around Taako and Kravitz, petting the nose of the horse, calming her down.  "If one of you can check to see if there's a straight shot out of the tents, I was high tailing it.  There's something awful going down. Something with _magic_ smeared ally over it."

"Yeah," said Taako, rolling his eyes. He squinted up at the top of the tent, to a hole in the sky. "We figured that out.  How can we know you're not going to just dump the kid in a ditch first chance you get?"

"Well, I manage him," said Sazed, with a nasty smile.  "And he's never tried to cheat me out of profits, so he's got a big step up on your slimy ass. He's my people, I'll take care of him."

Kravitz could visibly see Taako swallow the next thing he was about to say, close his eyes a moment, and then open them, forcibly keeping himself calm. He then forced a smile up at his date, filled with more cheer than he felt.

"I'll be right back, love," said Taako. "I'm doing to dove up there are make sure this wagon has a clear shot.  Brbs."

In a flash, Taako melted into a small white bird and flew up into the rafters, scouting ahead.  Kravitz followed him with his eyes, allowing a small smile to form on his face.  He then turned to Sazed.

"So," said Kravitz, dusting his hands together, walking over to the wagon.  "We are going to have a quick chat before he comes back. Let's make this brief, because I'd really rather not draw this out“

"Oh, great," said Sazed, scorn dripping off every syllable. “So, mister fancy pants is going to slide up to me and warn me off of his new beau. Well, let’s have it, tough guy. I’ve heard it all before.”

“Oh guv, I wouldn’t say that.  This is a new spot of Barney Rubble you’re in,” said Kravitz, his working accent slipping into his voice as he felt his grin grow impossibly wide, showing more skull than flesh. “Because, that little dagger you have there.  You should have it, should you?  It's very, very dangerous, with all that _necrotic damage_ it does.  And given it only passes owners through a willing transfer for a _bloody murder,_ I'm guessing you have quite a story behind it.  Now, be a love, and hand it to me.”

“Wha…what are…” all blood ruled out of Sazed’s face. He looked back at Greg’s sleeping form in panic.

“Oh, don’t play stupid,” said Kravitz, slipping back out of the cockney with a sigh. “No one walks around with a Vampiric Blade mounted with a Stone of Harm in a spring loaded sheathe under their sleeve _innocently._ And Greg is asleep. He’ll wake up any minute. Don't let it be to your screams.”

“How did you know about the blade? It’s supposed to be undetectable!“

"I've disposed of it's kind before.  And I could taste it's stench when you took it out.  Going to try the old stab-two-three on Taako on the way out the door?  Clean up some loose ends?"

"I was told it was one of a kind!” Sazed sputtered, looking down at his hand, and back up at Kravitz, ignoring the accusations.  

“Well…I did escort the Necromancer that made them to the Eternal Stockade myself," said Kravitz, sighing, projecting boredom rather than the deep anger that was rising in him.  "And, it’s not unique. There are 2 others. But one is held by a DracoLich the Plane of Ice, and he uses it as a letter opener, and the other is in the plane of fire, holding up a very nice painting of a tree. But that’s beside the point. The blade. Now.”

“…what if I don’t?”

Kravitz looked at Sazed for a moment, his face blank, before reaching out into nothingness and grabbing his scythe. As his weapon appeared in his hand, and his cloak fell on his shoulders, his flesh melted away, and he hovered over the ground, towering above the wagon without saying a word.  
Sazed tossed the dagger to the ground.

Kravitz stepped back on the ground, fully human-looking, and picked up the dagger, slipping it in his side bag. Kravitz looked back over his should at Sazed on the bench of the wagon, pushing himself away, eyes wide, and he sighed. 

This was getting sad.

“I’m not going to kill you for being rude,” he said. leaning against the wagon, making no effort keep the other man calm. From the back, Greg started to stir.

“But...but you are…”

“Not technically at work,” said Kravitz, rolling his eyes, peeking out the door to see if there was anyone coming.  “And while I'm sure this might come as a shock to you, murder actually isn't the solution to every problem.  Now shut up.  I'm trying to see if Taako was able to get through the perimeter without any other trouble.”

“What is something like you doing with someone like Taako?” said Sazed, awe and horror mixed in his voice.

“I think you're asking why I’d bother with someone like Taako?” said Kravitz, looking with disgust over at Sazed. “Look, little man. I don’t know what went down between you two before Glamour Springs, but I’ve heard enough today to figure out a couple of things. A lot of people died, and you were only counting on one of them.”

Sazed stilled.

“You can’t prove anything.” Sazed said, his eyes narrowed.

“I’m sure I can’t,” said Kravitz, looking absolutely levelly at Sazed. “But no one poisons a chef’s food _not_ trying to kill them. The other people didn’t matter to you. Taako lived. And that was a bigger betrayal. And one day, Taako might figure that out. So, maybe you should just disappear after this. You know. Before he puts it together.”

Before Sazed could reply, a small white bird swooped down and landed in the dirt. It shimmered, and Taako  reappeared, tall and respondent, tossing his hair over his shoulder, his face blank and bored.

“The exit is clear, jackass,” he said, pointing straight out the door. “The fighting is all going to the middle of the fair, but the road is all mostly empty. If you push the horse, you’ll blend in with the other people trying to get out of here.”

“Great,” said Sazed, only sounding a little nervous, but quickly recovering. “Well, I’d say it was great to see you, but I’m not going to waste my breathe.”

“I’d say the same, but let’s keep our mountain of lies in the past, like everything else about us,” said Taako. “Goodbye, Sazed.”

“Have a good “life” Taako,” said Sazed, giving a little glare to Kravitz. “I hope you enjoy whatever it is you have now. Seems real _healthy._ ”  
Sazed pushed off without another word, leaving Kravitz and Taako behind him. There was a heavy silence and the wagon disappeared, leaving the two of them alone.

“Man,” said Kravitz. “What an _asshole._ ”

Taako’s own laughter seemed to take him by surprise, coming out of his nose as an undignified snort. He laughed, full bodied and only slightly hysterically for a good couple of minutes, while Kravitz gave him a moment to compose himself.

"How long do you think we have before they start mounting a rescue mission to find you, if I don't get you back up there?" said Kravitz, looking up at the sky.

"Who?"

"Your friends.  You know.  The other ones that die all the time."

"Oh," said Taako, tiling his head to the side. "I'm sure they wouldn't bother…"

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"Taako, you are a great guy and everything," said Kravitz, trying very hard not to look at Taako as he was speaking, talking a little too fast, as if he knew this wasn't the easiest thing to hear." And while it might be to my _slight_ advantage at the moment that you have a gaping self-esteem wound the size of that monster over there, but Sazed was one hundred percent wrong about one major thing." 

“Huh?” said Taako, looking up at Kravitz, eye blank but suspicious. Kravitz looked steadfastly ahead, squinting after the wagon.

 “You _absolutely_ know what a family is. It’s even clear to a dead weirdo like me," he looked wistfully off into the distance.  "Those people on the moon really care about you.  You don't give _that_ kind of shit to people you won't trust your life to."

"I mean, Merle and Mags, they're all right," said Taako, feeling embarrassed. But why? Somehow caring about how those idiots felt was more embarrassing than what had just happened.

Maybe because it _was_ more real. 

Shit.

_Shit_

He's was going to have to tell _Merle._ There were going to be hand puns, and corpse fucking jokes for _weeks._

"I mean," said Kravitz, still talking to fill the silence, but running out of words. "Whatever went down with Sazed, don’t let him think that you haven’t found your family. You have. And it wasn’t him. Because as I said. Asshole.”

Taako took a step towards Kravitz as the laughter returned, who offered a shoulder as Taako’s laughter turned, again, a little hysterical, and maybe turned into a couple of tears.

They both pretended those hadn’t happened. 

Sazed wasn’t worth it.

But you know?

Maybe family was.

When Taako felt under control again, he gently pushed again, and looked up at Kravitz, rolling his eyes at himself.

“So…you have any deep emotional issues you want to work out? We’ve got some more time this evening before the boner squad comes .”

“Sound great,” said Kravitz, pushing a strand of Taako’s hair behind his ear. “But, if we do that, what will we do on date three?”

“Oh, I was thinking something more relaxing,” said Taako, leaning up and brushing his lips against Kravitz’s jawline. “Like, dragon-tag, or zombie bowling. Real low-impact.”

Kravitz laughed low in his chest, and reached for Taako’s hand, rolling his cold fingers across warmer knuckles, leading them away from the wagon’s exit.

“Though, we _do_ still need to get out of here.”

“Uh...” said Kravitz, looking around. Walking through the wreckage of their fight with the guards, Kravitz looked slightly uncomfortable, as if there was something he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure how it was going to land.

“What?” said Taako, looking around for whatever Kravitz was looking at. "We've had a lot of soul searching tonight.  Whatever you are going to say can't be _that_ bad."

“Well, we may want to, you know,” said Kravitz, gesturing around at the rubble. “Take a stab at stopping that shadowy cabal that is planning on robbing the innocents blind?”

“Really?” said Taako, pulling his hand away in shock.  Altruism.  On _his_ dates?

_Absurd._

“Well…we might be in the best position to do so? And we’re…you know…here?”  
“Look, hot stuff,” said Taako, walking through the tent with purpose. “It’s not like they’re paying us. And we’ve taken out a lot of the goons out already. The locals can handle the rest.”

“I guess…”said Kravitz, looking around a little forlornly. Taako laughed.

“And when have _you_ gotten a heroic streak?” laughed Taako, smiling to take any sting out of the jibe.

“You’ve seen me in one job and you think you know all about my life…”

“HEY! YOU TWO! STOP!”

A group of five guards with glowing weapons rounded the corner, and pointed at Taako and Kravitz. The two men looked at the guards, and then at each other.

“The decision may have just been made for us,” said Kravitz, quietly, reach out to grab Taako’s hand.

“Stop sounding so smug, we’re about to be attacked,” laughed Taako, putting one hand on Kravitz’s and the other on the Umbra Staff. He raised his voice and said “Yes? What do you want?”

“DROP YOUR VALUABLES, AND YOU WON’T GET HURT!”

“Oh, they don’t want to hurt us, how cute,” said Taako, smirking over to Kravitz.

“Let’s show them how it’s done, babe,” said Kravitz, grabbing his weapon out of the air.

“After you!”

EPILOGUE

Taako leaned against the tree, absolutely soaked through to the bone. He and Kravitz had done a number on the place, but in the process had also leveled the entire tent-scape to the ground. And now, there was a rainstorm coming in.

Of course.

Things had been going great until the last volley, where the hidden spell caster had, in her last attack, dropped a river on him before she was defeated. The Goldcliff Militia had come to gather the bandits, and he and Kravitz had managed to slip away without attracting any attention from any guards that would want an “explanation” as to the “property damage” and any “missing” “gems” that Taako might have “stolen”.

But now, he was soaked, and cold, and was out of spell slots, and wasn’t this just the way of things.

“Hey,” came a voice from behind him. Kravitz was standing there, with a mug of something hot. “I think this might help.”

“Thanks,” said Taako, taking the mug in his hands and draining it in one long gulp. He looked up at Kravitz with a mix of humor and irritation. “I suppose you don’t _feel_ the cold?”

“I mean, I do,” said Kravitz, shrugging. “But it’s not…a thing? It’s hard to describe.”

“Well, mister ‘hard to describe,’” said Taako, grumbling. “I wish it was easier, because it would be nice to share some body-heat right now.”

“I can’t help you there, but let’s try this” said Kravitz pulling his cloak around the two of them, and muttering under his breath. Suddenly, the fabric began to warm, blanketing them in warmth, and protecting them from the wet outside. “Is this alright?”

“It will do,” said Taako, snuggling in closer. For some long moments, they stood there, standing in the rain, not saying a word. 

It was nice. It was a shame to interrupt it. But time was ticking.

And the moon. The moon was still overhead. 

Watching.

“So… ” said Kravitz, sounding nervous. “You still up for another go at this, even with how awful everything went?”

Taako pushed away from Kravitz, and looked up, catching the reaper’s eyes with a mischievous grin.

“Even with your unexpected heroic streak, I haven’t had this much fun in ages,” said Taako, his smile warming even the coldest reaper’s heart. “But who said this date was over?”

“We burnt the fair down, Taako,” said Kravitz. “And with your undoubted incoming rescue squad, I’m not sure there’s much else to be done.”

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of something to fill the time.” said Taako, pulling Kravitz down into a kiss, leaning into the tree, and then past it, drawing the reaper into a hungry embrace.

And Kravitz had to give Taako credit. Even waterlogged, out of spellslots, and nothing up his sleeves but what he was born with, he did in fact think of _something._ And it was indeed… _filling._

But _that_ is another story. 

_fin_


End file.
